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Mickey Mouse has just had a very interesting call from his lawyer, the conversation went as follows: MM : Have you managed to get my divorce sorted? L: I have some bad news..... Under Florida Law you are not able to divorce Minnie on the grounds of her haveing big teeth. MM: Big Teeth??? I never sa...

A priest from Ireland was assigned to a Texas diocese. One morning, Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead i...

1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days. 5. She has no rigors or shaking chil...

Cake or Bed? A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS; HONEY, COULD YOU FIX TH E LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW .. HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY; FIX THE LIGHTS NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ‘GE’ WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. FI...

Dress Code 1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay raise. 2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so t...

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it you cannot qualify for this job." Mujibar said, "I am ready" The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow , Pink and Gre...

Sub prime knock on effect hits Japan The knock on from the US sub prime market in Japan shows no signs of letting up. In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded, Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cutback some of its branches. Yesterday it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for...

A boss wondered why one of his most valued employees had not phoned in sick one day. Having an urgent problem with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. " Hello" "Is your daddy home?" he asked. "Yes ,&q...

Dear Lord,
I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him;
And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death.
Amen!

A woman was in town on a shopping trip. She began her day finding the most perfect shoes in the first shop and a beautiful dress on sale in the second. In the third everything had just been reduced to $5 when her mobile phone rang. It was a female doctor notifying her that her husband had just been...

A vampire bat arrives home at the roost covered in blood. All the others bats get really excited and asked where he got it from. He asked them to follow him. So off they went over the fields and across the river into the deep dark forest. "SEE THAT TREE OVER THERE????" he asks the bats, t...

It helps if you read it with an Irish accent
Irish man walking in the street sees a sandwich lying in the road with wires sticking out,thinks it's a bit suspect so he calls the police.They ask "is it ticking" and he says
"NO IT'S CHEESE AND ONION

Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place: First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: "That's nothing...

A Catholic priest, a Baptist pastor and a Rabbi decide to test who has the true religion - their task - to try to convert a grizzly bear. Naturally this is hard work, and they all wind up in hospital, sharing the same ward. The pastor and the rabbi ask the priest how he got on. Looking a bit batter...

It has to be Somwhere Over China for me.

A man went into the travel agent and says " I'd like to book another holiday with you. Last year I booked Thailand and my wife got pregnant. The year before I booked Hong Kong...and my wife got pregnant ". So the travel agent says "Where do you fancy this year then" The man says...

A mortician was working late one night. He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen! 'I'm sorry, Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive p...