BuffettNews.com

Dear BeerMan~ Latley there have been some cracks in my shower. I tried to fix it with Caulk, However it appears I am having I hard time keeping my caulk hard in the shower. You seem like a mans man who knows all about hardwhere and fixing things up. So how do I keep my caulk hard in the shower? Sig...

Quint wrote:Dear BeerMan~

Is it unhealthy to use peanut butter as a lubercant?

Signed~
Penut butter with no jelly

Dear Peanut butter fetish,
I have found that whatever lubricant you have available is the best one. Plus, if you use a food source, you will be able to have a snack later.

Beerman

Dear Beerman I was at a concert just a few weeks ago and I was asked to sit down and stop dancing by a Man so the Uh Ladies he was with could see the Stage. if this ever happens again Can I hit him????? Dear Santa, I have always held the belief that it is musch better to send someone like this back...

phjrsaunt wrote:Dear Beerman,
Your wisdom is incredible. Is there ANY problem in life that you don't have an answer for??????????

I have not ran across a question yet that I cannot ramble about except one. And when I am able to answer that one, I will be a very wealthy man.

Dear Beerman- Thanks so much for the good advice from before. I'll get right on those pics and they will be in the mail tomorrow. And since my vision (much like my existence in general) is perfect, do you think I can get by with phony spectacles? I mean, it's simply for the illusion of nerdiness ri...

Dear Beerman, When I pee, it sprays in 2 or 3 different directions. It is quite difficult to get more than one stream to go where it should. Sometimes when I'm sober, I can aim one in the toilet, one in the sink, and one in the bathtub. But I'm not sober that much. What should I do. Sincerely, Shar...

SweetMelissa wrote:

PHBeerman wrote:I actually thought of you when I heard that song the other day for the first time.


Patron anyone?

Is that a yes?

I actually thought of you when I heard that song the other day for the first time.


Patron anyone?

Dear Mr. Beerman, I've been told by some crazy people that I have an unhealthy obsession with Jimmy Buffett, and Buffettnews.com. Do you have any advice on what to tell these people who just can not see the light? Thank you.... Disturbed Dear Disturbed, This is a very common problem that I see ever...

Are you implying that BN isn't "read" life? :o :o :o It's VERY "read" life. Now go learn how to type. :wench: Deer Beerdude, I am an inept retard. What is the easiest way to kill myself and put myself out of everyone's misery. Thank you, Dumber than a Bag of Rusty Hammers Dear D...

Dear Beerman, In fact yes, it did taste like chicken. I can see that you are really good at what you do, so I will come forward with my final problem... I slept with your wife a couple of weeks ago. I thought we were clear that it was a one-night stand, but she won't stop calling me. What should I ...

Beerman, Everyone I work with is beneath me (no, not in the biblical sense). How can I keep my sanity? the Old Man Down The Road Dear Old Man Down The Road, At your age you should be glad that you can even remember that everyone that you work with is beneath you. However, sanity maintenance is a to...

Four Play wrote:Dear Beerman,
Thank you for your help - I'm feeling better already.

I do have one more problem and I'm hoping you can help...
I have a cat here that thinks it's a chicken - what should I do?

Do you not have a grill. Please grill it up and let me know if it's true that cats taste like chicken.

phjrsaunt wrote:When in doubt, ask yourself,
"WWPHBMD" ????

That is some great advice. I am looking for an intern...Are you interested?

Dear beerman, dear beerman, My fountain pen leaks My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed If it weren’t so expensive I’d wish I were dead Signed, Unhappy Dear Unhappy, It is interesting that you call it a fountain pen. I mean, we have all wri...

Dear Beerdude, A large, overweight, potato-craving Idahoan has developed an unnatural attraction to me. I know this because he can't get through a day without picking on me like 2nd grade boys do when they like one of their classmates. Also, he is obsessed with my mom and I think he may have slept ...

Mr. Beerman: I'm thinking of a career change. Did you enjoy your time in prostitution? Smartass in Wisconsin Dear Smartass in Wisconsin, Yes. However, I do think it will be a little wierd for you to access my former customer base, as I believe it is illegal for you to perform such acts with your mo...

Dear Mr. Beerman, There is this insufferably pompous person who feels he must offer an opinion on each and every topic raised on a certain thread. Would I be teetering too closely to the edge of my Buddha path if I called him an asshat? Signed, I Can't Believe That He DOESN'T Know When To Quit in C...

Dear Beerman- I am smarter than nearly everyone I know. (Mind you, I work for surgeons... even smarter than them!) How do I get people to acknowledge this and acclimatize to my superior intellectual status? -IUP Dear IUP, I too have to deal with this same situation on a daily basis. However, I do n...

rednekkPH wrote:

PHBeerman wrote:Well guys, I feel compelled to provide a public service to the fine folks here at Buffettnews.

You're leaving?

Dear Still itching in Schuylkill County,

In a way it can be said that we are all leaving from somewhere at all times.

Beerman