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1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. 2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if .. People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5,000, whether the two fish were...

Puns for Educated Minds.... The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi. I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian. She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still. A rubber-band p...

Smoking in the Rain Two old ladies were waiting for a bus and one of them was smoking a cigarette. It started to rain, so the old lady reached into her purse, took out a condom, cut off the tip and slipped it over her cigarette and continued to smoke. Her friend saw this and said, "Hey that's a...

I did not write this nor do I know who did I thought it's very appropriate. A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife opening a package. “What food might this contain?” He was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaime...

Dear Walter: I hope you can help me here. The other day I set off for work leaving my husband in the house watching the TV as usual. I hadn't gone more than a few hundred yards down the road when my engine conked out and the car shuddered to a halt. I walked back home to get my husband's help. When ...

Theres this little old lady and everyday she goes shopping for what she needs at a grocery store one the way to the grocery store theres this pet shop she passes with a parrot sitting on a perch in front of this shop as she passed one bright morning the parrot said "Hey lady!!!... Your UGLY!!!!...

One night, after the couple had retired for the night, the woman became aware that her husband was touching her in a most unusual manner. He started by running his hand across her shoulders and the small of her back. He ran his hand over her touching everything very lightly. Then, he proceeded to ru...

This is funny, but if you look down on the page it was posted before.

Benign........................ What you be after you be eight. Artery.........................The study of paintings. Bacteria.......................Back door to cafeteria. Barium.........................What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section...............A neighborhood in Rome. CAT Sc...

A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some Cyanide. The pharmacist said, "Why in the world do you need Cyanide?" The lady then explained she needed it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he said, "Lord, have mercy -- I can't give you Cy...

Hunting Season Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my shotgun and the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to load the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing ...

While touring an Indian reservation in North Dakota filming a documentary, Barbara Walters was puzzled as to why the difference in the number of feathers in the headdresses. So, she asked a brave who only had one feather in his headdress. His reply was: .... "Only have one woman. One woman, one...

I dialed a number and got the following recording: "I am not available right now, but Thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the Beep. If I do not return your call, You are one of the changes." ~~~~~ Aspire to inspire before y...

Wife: Honey..... What are you looking for? Husband: Nothing. Wife: Nothing...?? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?? Husband: I was just looking for the expiration date. ____________________________________________________________________ Wife: Do you want dinner? Husband: Sure...

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the...

What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! (These have to be original and genuine . . . No adult is this creative!) JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot an...

Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would come down. Bring our troops home from Iraq to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immi...

Bad Date If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope you're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not! We have all had bad dates.. but this takes the cake. This just tells you how tough it is to be single nowadays.This was on the "Ton...

Subject: Fw: Let's say I break into your house Interesting... A lady wrote the best letter in the Editorials in ages!! It explains things better than all the baloney you hear on TV. Recently large demonstrations have taken place across the country protesting the fact that Congress is finally address...