BuffettNews.com

Secrets to a happy marriage

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans

2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money

3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex

4. It is important that these three women never meet.

Make Up Your Mind! A man is in his back yard trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air. The wind catches it for a few seconds and then it comes crashing back down. He tries a few more times. All the while his wife is watching from the kitchen window muttering to herself how men need to ...

A married couple went to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set th...

Over the urinal in the Men's room in a bar in Seattle . . .

"Anyone can p!ss on the floor, be a hero, sh!t on the ceiling."

It was in Auburn, WA (Seattle suburb) . . . I think JB was mis-using the word oxymoron. We thought he probably meant "adage" or mebbee "axiom," referring to the old saying "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." "Oxymoron (plural "oxymora") (noun) is a figure of speech that combines two normal...

BRH wrote:Most underrated:
"Off to See the Lizard", "Banana Wind".

Most overrated:
"Somewhere Over China" (my least favorite Buffett album).

BRH is right on!
I played OtStL and BW almost non-stop today . .

Over-rated - Don't Stop the Carnival! As soon as it came on, my wife turned it off!

Beer Troubleshooting SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusu...

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... promise! Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hal...

Havana Daydreamin' (heard it the other day and realised (again) how nice it really is!)
Trip Around the Sun
Moneyback Guarantee
First Look
Little Miss Magic

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who w...

I don't listen to JB 'cuz he's a great singer, I listen to him 'cuz he's a great story teller and one hell of an entertainer. Or, as he sez . . . . A shameless performer!

I'm in the first site right now, in the middle of my fifth download. Got in first try. Hint: Open the folder for the show that you want, click on the first song, hold down the shift key, click on the last song and they'll all be selected. Then right click and save all of them at once to yor folder ....

I doubt that "Duke's on Sunday" will happen. Jake may be there, but it's Henry Kapono's song.....

"Lovely Cruise"?

"I Wish Lunch Could Last Forever" from Off To See The Lizard . . . I wish love could last forever Make the whole day a first time love affair We'll begin with a kiss, such a warm place to start Let me into your life let me into your heart Mea culpa mea culpa carnival's in the air We'll begin with a ...

According to Ringling, "Short red heads are even more irresistable when their ire is raised. "

When their ire is raised, can you tell that they're natural redheads?

A blonde and a lawyer end up sitting next to each other on a plane. As the plane takes off the lawyer says to the blonde, "I have this game that we could play. I'll ask you a question and if you can't answer it you pay me $500. Then you ask me a question and if I can't answer it I'll pay you $500." ...

A Blonde and a Redhead are sitting at the bar in the local watering hole one night when the 10:00 news comes on. The lead story is about a guy standing on the top of a local building, threatening to jump. "Five bucks says he jumps" says the Redhead. "You're on" says the Blonde. They watch for a coup...

"First Look" and "Money Back Guarantee" both make me smile. . . .

A woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary clinic. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, "I'm so sorry, Polly has passed away." The distressed owner wailed, "Are yo...

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well" says the vet "let's have a look at him." The vet picks the dog up and examines his eyes, checks his teeth, etc. Finally he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Just because ...