Search found 4563 matches

by SeattleParrotHead
September 23, 2005 3:01 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Sunday morning in church . . .
Replies: 7
Views: 443

Sunday morning in church . . .

Sunday morning in church . . . A few minutes before the services started, the people were seated in their pews and talking. Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for an exit, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnat...
by SeattleParrotHead
September 23, 2005 2:56 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Door-to-Door . . . .
Replies: 9
Views: 604

Door-to-Door . . . .

The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang t...
by SeattleParrotHead
September 20, 2005 2:11 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Wild Wild West
Replies: 5
Views: 401

Wild Wild West

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian ...
by SeattleParrotHead
September 17, 2005 1:48 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Balance
Replies: 8
Views: 490

And I live in the other one! :D :D :D :D
by SeattleParrotHead
September 9, 2005 4:42 pm
Forum: Jimmy Buffett Discussion
Topic: Talk like a pirate day
Replies: 10
Views: 839

Talk like a pirate day

by SeattleParrotHead
August 31, 2005 2:19 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: New warnings . . .
Replies: 5
Views: 610

New warnings . . .

American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra and pan...
by SeattleParrotHead
August 31, 2005 2:13 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: The Rules . . .
Replies: 3
Views: 397

The Rules . . .

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE! 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us compl...
by SeattleParrotHead
August 31, 2005 2:12 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Survival of the fittest . . .
Replies: 5
Views: 473

Survival of the fittest . . .

A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo and when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the reg...
by SeattleParrotHead
August 30, 2005 5:10 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: France Raises Terror ALert
Replies: 4
Views: 392

France Raises Terror ALert

In light of recent bus and subway attacks across the English Channel in London, the French Government announced earlier today that it has raised its terror alert from 'Run' to 'Hide'. The only two higher levels in France are 'Surrender' and 'Collaborate'. The rise was further precipitated by a recen...
by SeattleParrotHead
August 29, 2005 3:59 pm
Forum: News
Topic: Tour Rumors--Portland, OR and San Diego, CA
Replies: 47
Views: 4549

Anyone else up for Portland??? :wench: :D i'm there. never ben to oregon before. therefore, there is a first time for everything. :D :) :o :-? 8) :lol: :P :roll: :wink: :pirate: is there a date set for this show yet? hey I H ....whats shaking? If JB plays "Portland" he'll probably be at the Clark C...
by SeattleParrotHead
August 26, 2005 6:42 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Secrets to a happy marriage
Replies: 7
Views: 407

Secrets to a happy marriage

Secrets to a happy marriage

1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans

2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money

3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex

4. It is important that these three women never meet.
by SeattleParrotHead
August 26, 2005 6:41 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Go fly a kite . . .
Replies: 5
Views: 432

Go fly a kite . . .

Make Up Your Mind! A man is in his back yard trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air. The wind catches it for a few seconds and then it comes crashing back down. He tries a few more times. All the while his wife is watching from the kitchen window muttering to herself how men need to ...
by SeattleParrotHead
August 26, 2005 6:39 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: New Machine
Replies: 6
Views: 385

New Machine

A married couple went to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set th...
by SeattleParrotHead
August 22, 2005 2:51 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Bathroom Graffiti
Replies: 14
Views: 739

Over the urinal in the Men's room in a bar in Seattle . . .

"Anyone can p!ss on the floor, be a hero, sh!t on the ceiling."
by SeattleParrotHead
August 4, 2005 3:15 pm
Forum: Jimmy Buffett Discussion
Topic: "Burn That Bridge" Oxymoron and Scrabble Word
Replies: 15
Views: 1797

It was in Auburn, WA (Seattle suburb) . . . I think JB was mis-using the word oxymoron. We thought he probably meant "adage" or mebbee "axiom," referring to the old saying "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it." "Oxymoron (plural "oxymora") (noun) is a figure of speech that combines two normal...
by SeattleParrotHead
July 25, 2005 1:09 am
Forum: Jimmy Buffett Discussion
Topic: Most Underrated / Overrated Album?
Replies: 41
Views: 5872

BRH wrote:Most underrated:
"Off to See the Lizard", "Banana Wind".

Most overrated:
"Somewhere Over China" (my least favorite Buffett album).
BRH is right on!
I played OtStL and BW almost non-stop today . .

Over-rated - Don't Stop the Carnival! As soon as it came on, my wife turned it off!
by SeattleParrotHead
July 13, 2005 2:25 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Beer Troubleshooting
Replies: 3
Views: 417

Beer Troubleshooting

Beer Troubleshooting SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet. FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle. ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling. SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet. FAULT: Improper bladder control. ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. SYMPTOM: Beer unusu...
by SeattleParrotHead
July 13, 2005 2:23 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: Cuckoo Clock
Replies: 4
Views: 401

Cuckoo Clock

The other night I was invited out for a night with "the boys". I told my wife that I would be home by midnight... promise! Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At around 2:30 a.m., drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hal...
by SeattleParrotHead
July 9, 2005 10:40 pm
Forum: Jimmy Buffett Discussion
Topic: What are your Top 5 JB songs as of right Now ?
Replies: 81
Views: 4604

Havana Daydreamin' (heard it the other day and realised (again) how nice it really is!)
Trip Around the Sun
Moneyback Guarantee
First Look
Little Miss Magic
by SeattleParrotHead
July 8, 2005 3:47 pm
Forum: Jokes
Topic: More Worst Analogies . . .
Replies: 7
Views: 424

More Worst Analogies . . .

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free. 3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who w...