Break It To Me Gentlty

[palmettopirate]

Jasper went on a trip and asked his neighbor Cletus to watch out for things around his place while he was gone.

After a couple days Jasper called Cletus and asked him how things were going.

Cletus: "Not too good. Your cat ran out In the street and got hit by a car and was killed."

Jasper: "Man, that's kinda cold, blunt, heartless, and insensitive."

Cletus: 'Well that's what happened."

Jasper: 'Yes, but you could have let me down a little easier than that."

Cletus: "What do you mean?"

Jasper: "You could have said something like she climbed up on the roof last night. And then you could have said you called the fire department. Then you could have said that the fire department got her down but she broke free and ran out in the street and encountered a moving vehicle and was injured. Then you could have said that you took her to the vet and had to leave her there. Then you could have said that the vet called and said she passed away during the night. This would have been a much better way to break the news. Do you understand?"

Cletus: "Yep, I think so. I think I got it now."

Jasper: "Well that's good. By the way, have you checked on my grandma?'

Cletus: " I sure did."

Jasper: "Well how's she doing?'

Cletus: "Well she climbed up on the roof last night……

[Bicycle Bill]

That's almost as bad as the one about the two Norwegian guys, Doo-da and Uff-da.  Well, they went out hunting one Saturday, and ... well, there was an accident; Doo-da fell out of his tree stand and broke his neck.  When Uff-da came by a little later there was poor Doo-da lying on the ground dead.  Well, there wasn't nothing he could do for him, so Uff-da carried Doo-da's body out to the truck and headed back into town.

All the way back, though, he's wondering just how he's going to break the news to Doo-da's wife.  You don't just walk in and announce "your husband isn't coming home because he fell and killed himself," now do you?  So he thought and thought until he finally got up to Doo-da's house.

He walked up to the door and knocked.  When Mrs. Doo-da answered, Uff-da started singing (to the tune of "Camptown Races"):
"Guess who died in the woods today ... ?"

-"BB"-