"Tips" from Martha Stewart

MICHIPHIN · Post by **MICHIPHIN** » April 4, 2002 8:05 am

If a small child is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. simply pour
a jug of boiling water down it's throat and voila - the blockage is
almost instantly removed
a mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock, will usually prevent
you from turning off the alarm, rolling over and going back to sleep
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away
liquor bill too high? Try drinking cold tea instead, and then the
following morning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a
thimble full of dishwashing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on
the wall. Definiitely yields the same results
make bath times as much fun for kids as is a visit to the ocean beach
by pouring a bucket of sand, a bag of salt and several dog turds into
the bathwater
recreate the fun of a visit to a public swimming pool by filling the
bathtub with cold water, adding two bottles of bleach, then urinating
into it, before jumping in
thicken up runny low-fat yogurt by stirring in a spoonful of butter
a next door neighbor's car aerial, carefully folded, makes an ideal
coat hanger in an emergency
an empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an
inexpensive
vibrator
here's one for you heavy smokers. Don't throw away those filters from
the end of your cigarettes. Save them up and within a few years you'll
have enough to insulate your attic

PHat Matt · Post by **PHat Matt** » April 17, 2002 8:54 pm

Great job!!! That was HALLIOURIOS. However, you did forget to include that if you are concerned that drinking could harm your body, PLAY GOLF! It will definintly get you angry, then you will ethier severly injure yourself, ofr you drinking fear will be gone.

MICHIPHIN · Post by **MICHIPHIN** » April 17, 2002 10:47 pm

good point PM.

Dally · Post by **Dally** » April 18, 2002 12:15 am

Maybe it's just me, but I don't get that one Matt

Junior_Mint · Post by **Junior_Mint** » April 18, 2002 12:43 pm

I don't understand either?
Why would your drinking fear be gone?
That would just make you want to go get really drunk. If you s***ed that bad at golf.

PHINZ UP

PHat Matt · Post by **PHat Matt** » April 19, 2002 7:49 am

Well, I can't say i've ever relly drank, but i've heard people do it when they are mad. So if you play golf the chances of you getting mad are 100%, useally. Then you wold ethier chuck your clubs into the pond, or go to the clubhouse, and concume many alcholic beveradges. I've seen it happen many times.

PHat Matt · Post by **PHat Matt** » April 19, 2002 7:51 am

Oh, I forgot that those aren't nessisarily the effects. When my family has a bad day they stratigize their swing, and try to improve. And I have no clue what I just said. SORRY.