Sayings you would like on a Tshirt

[Tiki Bar]

1. The sex was so good even the neighbors had a cigarette.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out alive.

7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9. Earth...is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. I'm not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. I don't have to be dead to donate my organ.

13. I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

14. God must love stupid people; He made so many of them.

15. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

16. It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

17. I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

19. Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

20. Beer - The reason I get up each afternoon.

21. I must be a proctologist because I work with assholes.

22. (Seen on an 8-year-old) "That's it! I'm calling Nana!"

23. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.

24. Procrastinate now!

25. Rehab is for quitters.

26. My dog can lick anyone.

27. I have a degree in liberal arts. You want fries with that?

28. (On a baby-size shirt) Party...my crib...2 AM.

29. Finally 21, and legally able to do everything I've been doing since I was 15.

30. Arkansas: One million people and 15 last names.

31. Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.

32. I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun.

33. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

34. A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a cash advance.

35. Stupidity is not a handicap! Park elsewhere.

36. Discourage in-breeding. Ban country music.

37. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

38. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

39. Time is fun when you're having flies - Kermit the Frog

40. Police station toilet stolen - Cops have nothing to go on.

41. For Sale: Iraqi rifle. Never fired. Dropped once.

42. Heck is where people go who don't believe in gosh.

43. Ham & eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

44. Welcome to Kentucky - Set your watch back 20 years.

45. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

46. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.

47. Mop & Glow - The floor wax used by Three Mile Island clean-up team.

48. NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

49. My husband & I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God & I didn't.

[East Texas Parrothead]

50. Nice perfume. Must you marniate in it?



(Especially true when you w**k in a small, confined space and one of your phellow miners insists that Eau de Rotted Spam smells GOOD! )

[phjrsaunt]

51. I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

[Tiki Bar]

#'s 50 and 51

[East Texas Parrothead]

52. Earth is phull. Go home!

[HockeyParrotHead]

53 I have ADD. Look, there's a chicken.

[phjrsaunt]

53 I have ADD. Look, there's a chicken.

THAT was a LOL'er!!!

[rednekkPH]

54. EARTH FIRST...We'll strip mine the other planets later.
55. Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
56. Ted Kennedy's cars have killed more people than my guns

[DrunkenIrish]

I support our troops, but their leader is an idiot.

[phjrsaunt]

53 I have ADD. Look, there's a chicken.

THAT was a LOL'er!!!

this one keeps getting guffaws from everyone I tell it to!

[pair8head]

I finally found my inner child.
He won't play with me either.

[East Texas Parrothead]

I finally found my inner child.
He won't play with me either.

SPEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a really good one.

[pair8head]

I finally found my inner child.
He won't play with me either.

SPEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a really good one.

Thanks. I actually made that one up myself. Want to put it on a shirt with a bratty looking kid on it turning his nose up or something. I just need an artist.

[citcat]

59. Keep staring at me...I might do a trick... 60. Look out for #1...don't step in #2... 61. My back goes out more than I do... 62. We have enough YOUTH---how about a fountain of SMART?... 63. Who are you and why are you reading my shirt?... 64. Raising a teenager is like nailing jello to a tree... 65. God wants spiritual fruit, not religious nuts... 66. I'm still hot, it just comes in flashes now!... 67. EVEN IF THE VOICES ARE NOT REAL, they have some pretty good ideas... 68. Just be happy I'm not a twin! ..........and my personal favorite (today)... 69. What if there were no hypothetical questions?.... OH! one more...70. Why is it called "tourist season" if we can't shoot at them?

[barefootpirate]

71. I love animals. They're delicious!!

PHINS ^

[HockeyParrotHead]

72. Women DO come with directions. Just ask them.

73. I am a country music song just waiting to happen.

74. I've stopped listenitng - why haven't you stopped talking?

75. Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

76. Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?

[East Texas Parrothead]

I finally found my inner child.
He won't play with me either.

SPEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a really good one.

Thanks. I actually made that one up myself. Want to put it on a shirt with a bratty looking kid on it turning his nose up or something. I just need an artist.

Our very own SecretsInTheCrust is a GREAT artist! He did the cover for the cookbook...and the BN logo!! He's so talented.

I'll buy a tee shirt like that if you ever get one made up!

[pair8head]

I finally found my inner child.
He won't play with me either.

SPEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a really good one.

Thanks. I actually made that one up myself. Want to put it on a shirt with a bratty looking kid on it turning his nose up or something. I just need an artist.

Our very own SecretsInTheCrust is a GREAT artist! He did the cover for the cookbook...and the BN logo!! He's so talented.

I'll buy a tee shirt like that if you ever get one made up!

I would like to have two. One for guys and one for gals.

[phjrsaunt]

I finally found my inner child.
He won't play with me either.

SPEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's a really good one.

Thanks. I actually made that one up myself. Want to put it on a shirt with a bratty looking kid on it turning his nose up or something. I just need an artist.

Our very own SecretsInTheCrust is a GREAT artist! He did the cover for the cookbook...and the BN logo!! He's so talented.

I'll buy a tee shirt like that if you ever get one made up!

I would like to have two. One for guys and one for gals.

Did someone say something about a
T SHIRT?????????

[East Texas Parrothead]

Pair8Head and I want one like he described in his earlier post!