Tales From The E.R.

[redwinemaker]

Tales From The E.R.

A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.

Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX

At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
had died of a "massive internal fart."

Dr. Susan Steinberg,
Manitoba, Canada



I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your
left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was
silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and
discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing
there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the
exam.

Dr. Matthew Theodropolous,
Worcester, MA



During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch." The nurse told me to put
on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
see... Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now the
instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Dr. Rebecca St. Clair,
Norfolk, VA

--

While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion, she
answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
alive."

Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR

--

I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky jelly.
I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY
Jelly."

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI

--

A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating
table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and
above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the
surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Mary Virginia Corkle R.N.M.N

[Ceol na Mara]

Very funny!

[Ceol na Mara]

The first one reminds me of a true story.

My cousin and her husband were trying to get pregnant, and were doing the artificial insemination route. One morning it was the "correct time", and after talking with the nurse from the doctor's office on the phone, since nurse, cousin and husband were all rushing to work, it was agreed that my cousin would meet the nurse in a central place, a nearby gas station, with the husband's uh... shall we say specimen, so the nurse could bring it back to the office and they could do with it whatever they had to do. The nurse had a blue car. My cousin, unfortunately, did not get the license plate number.

Well, my cousin's got the jar in a paper bag and heads off to the gas station. When she gets there, she sees a blue car with a license plate that has the initials RN or Rx (one of those two), and she figures that must be the nurse. In a hurry, she runs up to the car and thrusts this bag at the woman in the car, whereupon the woman looks in it and cries, "What the hell is this?!" Wrong car!

[Fruitcakes101]

The first one reminds me of a true story.

My cousin and her husband were trying to get pregnant, and were doing the artificial insemination route. One morning it was the "correct time", and after talking with the nurse from the doctor's office on the phone, since nurse, cousin and husband were all rushing to work, it was agreed that my cousin would meet the nurse in a central place, a nearby gas station, with the husband's uh... shall we say specimen, so the nurse could bring it back to the office and they could do with it whatever they had to do. The nurse had a blue car. My cousin, unfortunately, did not get the license plate number.

Well, my cousin's got the jar in a paper bag and heads off to the gas station. When she gets there, she sees a blue car with a license plate that has the initials RN or Rx (one of those two), and she figures that must be the nurse. In a hurry, she runs up to the car and thrusts this bag at the woman in the car, whereupon the woman looks in it and cries, "What the hell is this?!" Wrong car!