If Dogs Sent Letters to God

phjrsaunt · Post by **phjrsaunt** » February 16, 2004 12:36 pm

If Dogs Sent Letters to God

* Dear God,
Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one
another?

* Dear God,
When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the same
old story?

* Dear God,
Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We dogs love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?

* Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

* Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

* Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

* Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get in?

* Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

* Dear God,
Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good dog:
- I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.
- I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.
- I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box; although they are tasty, they are not food.
- The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
- The sofa is not a face towel; neither are Mom's and Dad's laps.
- The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
- My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
- I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
- I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
- Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of saying 'hello.'
- I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.
- I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
- I will not throw up in the car.
- I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across the carpet.
- I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when company is over.
- The cat is not a squeaky toy; so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

* Dear God,
May I have my testicles back?

tommcat327 · Post by **tommcat327** » February 16, 2004 12:40 pm

that perfectly described Cooper

sunseeker · Post by **sunseeker** » February 16, 2004 1:30 pm

I LOVE IT!!!!

Ilph · Post by **Ilph** » February 16, 2004 1:36 pm

That's funny!

12 lb. nestle crunch · February 16, 2004 1:45 pm

hey i drive a cougar!

Air M'Ville Cap'n · Post by **Air M'Ville Cap'n** » February 16, 2004 1:47 pm

Damn I miss having a dog. Hopefully we'll get another within the next month

CRC Parrothead · Post by **CRC Parrothead** » February 16, 2004 2:22 pm

Too funny!! My Sampson could have written a few of those!

sailingagain · Post by **sailingagain** » February 16, 2004 2:54 pm

margaritagrl26 · Post by **margaritagrl26** » February 16, 2004 9:25 pm

Lucille could of written a few of those herself.

Post by **SMLCHNG** » February 16, 2004 9:28 pm

That's too funny!!

Thanks, Auntie!

Ceol na Mara · Post by **Ceol na Mara** » February 17, 2004 5:53 pm

Ah, that's so cute!

Sidew13 · Post by **Sidew13** » February 17, 2004 6:20 pm

ROTFLMAO

reminded me of a beagle pup I once had

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » February 18, 2004 1:46 pm

LMAO

That's my Pepper, alright!

pair8head · Post by **pair8head** » February 18, 2004 1:54 pm

* Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?

There are no such things as bad dogs. Only bad dog owners.

phtnt · Post by **phtnt** » February 19, 2004 7:50 am

I guess Rylee isn't the only one who does those things.

fruityparrothead · Post by **fruityparrothead** » February 20, 2004 9:42 pm

Wonderful!!!! Made my night!!!!!

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If Dogs Sent Letters to God

If Dogs Sent Letters to God

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