New Work Rules

[SMLCHNG]

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES

FROM: MANAGEMENT
Memorandum

Dear Staff,

It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada sneakers and carrying a Gucci Bag we assume
that you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a
raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a raise.

If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturday and Sunday.

LUNCH BREAKS:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch as they need to eat more so that
they can look healthy.

Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to gat a
balanced meal to maintain their average figure.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the
time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill

SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of
sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to
work.

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.
There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of
three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract,
the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your
second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board
under the "Chronic Offender" category.

SURGERY: As long as you are employee here, you need all your organs.
You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To
have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation, consternation and input
should be directed elsewhere.


Have a nice week

[ladyparrothead]

[Bob Roberts]

RESTROOM USE: Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom.There is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offender" category.

LOL! My picture would be taken about 10 times in one sitting. I would be on that board by lunch time!

[Sidew13]

I didn't know you worked where I do, Queen

[Ilph]

[Gypsy In The Palace]

I didn't know you worked where I do, Queen

You mean you didn't see her picture on the bulletin board?

[SMLCHNG]

I didn't know you worked where I do, Queen

You mean you didn't see her picture on the bulletin board?

No, it's his turn this month.