Redneck Church
Posted: July 28, 2004 10:15 am
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the finance committee
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none
of the members knows how to play one.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if .... people ask, when they
learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says,
"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two
women stand up.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer
season is recognized as an official church holiday.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church
requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't
never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as
the "OK Chorale".
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of
500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to
as "branding".
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... high notes on the organ
set the dogs on the floor to howling.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... people think "rapture"
is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is a
#2 galvanized washtub.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the choir robes were
donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . the collection plates
are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell, you
are called to service by a duck call.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the minister and his
wife drive matching pickup trucks.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if .... the communion wine is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet"
applies to hunting dogs, too.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"
refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none
of the members knows how to play one.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if .... people ask, when they
learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... when the pastor says,
"I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys and two
women stand up.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... opening day of deer
season is recognized as an official church holiday.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... a member of the church
requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't
never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." (Love it!)
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the choir is known as
the "OK Chorale".
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... in a congregation of
500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to
as "branding".
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... high notes on the organ
set the dogs on the floor to howling.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... people think "rapture"
is what you get when you lift something too heavy.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the baptismal pool is a
#2 galvanized washtub.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the choir robes were
donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if . the collection plates
are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... instead of a bell, you
are called to service by a duck call.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the minister and his
wife drive matching pickup trucks.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if .... the communion wine is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink".
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet"
applies to hunting dogs, too.
You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if ... the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now!! Ya Hear"
