The Guys' Rules
Posted: July 30, 2004 5:46 pm
These are our rules! Please note ....these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up and you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving the seat down.
1. Sunday is sports. Its's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail
1. Ask for what you want. Lets be clear on this one:
Subtle Hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious Hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Sympathy is what your girlfirends are for
1. A headache that last 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an arguement. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
1. If you don't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, do it yourself
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you where is fine...really.
1. Don't ask us what you are thinking unless you are prepaired to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation or monster trucks. (or the rack on the girl on TV)
1.You have enough clothes
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape! Round is a shape.
(courtesy of Dwyer and Michaels, Q106, Davenport, IA.)
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it is up, put it down. We need it up and you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving the seat down.
1. Sunday is sports. Its's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail
1. Ask for what you want. Lets be clear on this one:
Subtle Hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious Hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to most questions
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. Sympathy is what your girlfirends are for
1. A headache that last 17 months is a problem. See a Doctor
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissable in an arguement. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
1. If you don't dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys
1. If you think you are fat, you probably are. Don't ask us
1. If something we said can be interpreted in two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know how best to do it, do it yourself
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, neither do we.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1.If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing is wrong. We know you are lying, but it is not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you where is fine...really.
1. Don't ask us what you are thinking unless you are prepaired to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation or monster trucks. (or the rack on the girl on TV)
1.You have enough clothes
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape! Round is a shape.
(courtesy of Dwyer and Michaels, Q106, Davenport, IA.)
