Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions -- The Complete List

[Jahfin]

Redneck Driving Etiquette:

Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is
loaded and the deer is in sight.

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest
tires always has the right of way.

Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is
impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when
driving.

Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can
fit in.

Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession.


Redneck Personal Hygiene::

Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-
me-down item.

If you have to vacuum the bed, it's time to change the sheets.

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

Plucking unwanted nose hair is time-consuming work. A cigarette
Lighter and a small tolerance for pain can accomplish the same goal
and save hours.

Note: Its a good idea to keep a bucket of water handy when
using this method.


Redneck Dining Out:

Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all,
their mobile home costs just as much as yours.


Redneck Entertaining in Your Home:

A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a
taxidermist.

Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his
manners are.

If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to
leave them alone for a few minutes.


Redneck Dating (Outside the Family):

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to
go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two
years a go." If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall,
water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in
frustration.


Redneck Theater Etiquette:

Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately
after the movie has ended.

Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven
they can't hear you.


Redneck Wedding Etiquette:

Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

Its is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.

When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.

A bridal veil made of window screen is not only cost effective but
also a proven fly deterrent.

For the groom, at least rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund
and a clean bowling shirt can create a natty appearance. Though
uncomfortable, say yes to socks and shoes for this special occasion.


Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions:

Never take a beer to a job interview or ask if they press charges.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

Always say "Excuse me" after getting sick in someone else's car.

It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's
considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

The socially refined never fish coins out of public toilets,
especially if other people are around.

Always provide an alibi to the police for family members.

[citcat]

I'd make up a 'yankee' etiquette list, but there's no such thing as yankee etiquette (or is there, somebody quick make a list!), and since I'm from the South, I'm too polite to do that, so I'll just say, "Bless your heart".

[Prthd119]

I'd make up a 'yankee' etiquette list, but there's no such thing as yankee etiquette (or is there, somebody quick make a list!), and since I'm from the South, I'm too polite to do that, so I'll just say, "Bless your heart".

Don't forget ..."How Nice..........."

[rednekkPH]

Ah, come on Cat - this was posted by one of your own. Us Yankees would have been smart enough to put it in the Jokes section, where it belongs

[Jahfin]

Ah, come on Cat - this was posted by one of your own. Us Yankees would have been smart enough to put it in the Jokes section, where it belongs

If it bothers you that bad by all means report it to a moderator and have it moved.

[tommcat327]

Ah, come on Cat - this was posted by one of your own. Us Yankees would have been smart enough to put it in the Jokes section, where it belongs

If it bothers you that bad by all means report it to a moderator and have it moved.

jah,i must say that you blow away anyone i have ever met with your ability to be offended by anything and take it the wrong way,even when it was not even remotely intended that way

[Jahfin]

Ah, come on Cat - this was posted by one of your own. Us Yankees would have been smart enough to put it in the Jokes section, where it belongs

If it bothers you that bad by all means report it to a moderator and have it moved.

jah,i must say that you blow away anyone i have ever met with your ability to be offended by anything and take it the wrong way,even when it was not even remotely intended that way

Since you didn't write the post I was responding to how would you know the person's intentions? And who said I was offended? It appears to me that rednekk was offended since he's apparently unhappy that I started that thread in this section. All I did was suggest that if they didn't think it was in the right place, that they contact a moderator to have it moved.

[tommcat327]

I'd make up a 'yankee' etiquette list, but there's no such thing as yankee etiquette (or is there, somebody quick make a list!), and since I'm from the South, I'm too polite to do that, so I'll just say, "Bless your heart".

redneck does not automatically equal southern.we have plenty of rednecks up here.
in some ways i would have to say i am one and pretty damn proud of it.its better than being a city lovin a$$hole any day

[tommcat327]

Ah, come on Cat - this was posted by one of your own. Us Yankees would have been smart enough to put it in the Jokes section, where it belongs

If it bothers you that bad by all means report it to a moderator and have it moved.

jah,i must say that you blow away anyone i have ever met with your ability to be offended by anything and take it the wrong way,even when it was not even remotely intended that way

Since you didn't write the post I was responding to how would you know the person's intentions? And who said I was offended? It appears to me that rednekk was offended since he's apparently unhappy that I started that thread in this section. All I did was suggest that if they didn't think it was in the right place, that they contact a moderator to have it moved.

seems pretty obvious to me(and probably everyone else but you) that his response was simply a joke aimed at southern peoples intelligence(or lack of )
and your response seems like you did take offense to it(like you always do) and thats why you posted it.

[rednekkPH]

Ah, come on Cat - this was posted by one of your own. Us Yankees would have been smart enough to put it in the Jokes section, where it belongs

If it bothers you that bad by all means report it to a moderator and have it moved.

jah,i must say that you blow away anyone i have ever met with your ability to be offended by anything and take it the wrong way,even when it was not even remotely intended that way

Since you didn't write the post I was responding to how would you know the person's intentions? And who said I was offended? It appears to me that rednekk was offended since he's apparently unhappy that I started that thread in this section. All I did was suggest that if they didn't think it was in the right place, that they contact a moderator to have it moved.

Since I did write the post, I'll clarify my intentions. It was a joke (hence the " " which ended it). I don't expect you to be able to grasp the concept of humor, however, unless an article about it was published on rollingstone.com.

And for the record, I'm not easily offended - just easily annoyed by idiocy.

[tommcat327]

Since I did write the post, I'll clarify my intentions. It was a joke (hence the " " which ended it). I don't expect you to be able to grasp the concept of humor, however, unless an article about it was published on rollingstone.com.

And for the record, I'm not easily offended - just easily annoyed by idiocy.

well well,seems that even thought i didnt write the post i was still able to grasp the concept of humor and see a joke for what it was.you should take a class on humor jah,you might actually find it enjoyable

[Jahfin]

Ah, come on Cat - this was posted by one of your own. Us Yankees would have been smart enough to put it in the Jokes section, where it belongs

If it bothers you that bad by all means report it to a moderator and have it moved.

jah,i must say that you blow away anyone i have ever met with your ability to be offended by anything and take it the wrong way,even when it was not even remotely intended that way

Since you didn't write the post I was responding to how would you know the person's intentions? And who said I was offended? It appears to me that rednekk was offended since he's apparently unhappy that I started that thread in this section. All I did was suggest that if they didn't think it was in the right place, that they contact a moderator to have it moved.

Since I did write the post, I'll clarify my intentions. It was a joke (hence the " " which ended it). I don't expect you to be able to grasp the concept of humor, however, unless an article about it was published on rollingstone.com.

And for the record, I'm not easily offended - just easily annoyed by idiocy.

Since nearly every post of mine that you respond to is an insult (including the present one) directed towards me I believe you can see where I might of thought this was yet another one.

[tommcat327]

Since nearly every post of mine that you respond to is an insult (including the present one) directed towards me I believe you can see where I might of thought this was yet another one.

well as someone who really likes to insult you,i can say that without question i never even thought of it that way,even after you responded to it

[Jahfin]

Since I did write the post, I'll clarify my intentions. It was a joke (hence the " " which ended it). I don't expect you to be able to grasp the concept of humor, however, unless an article about it was published on rollingstone.com.

And for the record, I'm not easily offended - just easily annoyed by idiocy.

well well,seems that even thought i didnt write the post i was still able to grasp the concept of humor and see a joke for what it was.you should take a class on humor jah,you might actually find it enjoyable

I'm quite capable of enjoying humor. I guess you read just a few of my posts and make your conclusions based on that. I suggest rather than doing that, you try broadening your horizons by reading all of them. You aren't exactly the most personable poster I've ever encountered online myself. You are downright rude and inconsiderate of others on a constant basis but apparently that's ok. I say one slightly less than kind remark (which is the exception, not the rule) or voice an opinion that someone doesn't agree with and the vast majority of this site is ready to ride me out of here on a rail. That seem fair to you? I know it sure doesn't seem fair to me.

[LIPH]

This might help:
joke -
1. something said or done to provoke laughter, especially a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist
2. something not to be taken seriously; a trifling matter

[tommcat327]

You are downright rude and inconsiderate of others on a constant basis but apparently that's ok.
yes it is
I say one slightly less than kind remark (which is the exception, not the rule)
do you actually read your own responses??

[Jahfin]

This might help:
joke -
1. something said or done to provoke laughter, especially a brief oral narrative with a climactic humorous twist
2. something not to be taken seriously; a trifling matter

Again, you're one of the same bunch that like to accuse me of having no sense of humor which just goes to show you must not read any of posts.

[tommcat327]

I'm quite capable of enjoying humor. I guess you read just a few of my posts and make your conclusions based on that. I suggest rather than doing that, you try broadening your horizons by reading all of them. You aren't exactly the most personable poster I've ever encountered online myself. You are downright rude and inconsiderate of others on a constant basis but apparently that's ok. I say one slightly less than kind remark (which is the exception, not the rule) or voice an opinion that someone doesn't agree with and the vast majority of this site is ready to ride me out of here on a rail. That seem fair to you? I know it sure doesn't seem fair to me.

oh,and for the record i have not tried to run you out of here.i really could not care less whether you post here or not,it really doesnt affect my life in any way.
and i might read more of your posts if they werent always a copy and paste from rolling stone about some obscure musician who i dont care about.and since your musical tastes differ from mine for the most part it works out that most of your posts dont interest me in anyway.

[Jahfin]

You are downright rude and inconsiderate of others on a constant basis but apparently that's ok.
yes it is
I say one slightly less than kind remark (which is the exception, not the rule)
do you actually read your own responses??

How much of the rest of my post can you leave out so you can reply to something that is taken totally out of context. Let's put it this way, you treat people like sh*t on this site on a near constant basis and not only that seem to be proud of it, I don't and still manage to catch hell for it, albeit from the same people time and time again that use selective memory to base their weak arguments on.

[LIPH]

If by "the same bunch" you mean rednekk and tommcat, you mustn't read too many of their posts. Have you ever seen some of their comments about people in big cities? Like NY? Where I work. Or the way they talk about lawyers? Which is what I am. The difference is I don't get my drawers in a bunch when I read their posts because I have a sense of humor.