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So this isn't Home Sweet Home ... Adjust!

Martha Stewart doesn't live here!!

Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.

If you write in the dust, please don't date it!

I would cook dinner but I can't find the can opener!

My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

If you don't like my standards of cooking ...lower your standards.

Although you'll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn't always look like this: Some days it's even worse.

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen, and this kitchen is delirious.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

My next house will have no kitchen ... just vending machines.

I'd live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.

ragtopW wrote: My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

This always seems to happen to me.........

I have a sign in my kitchen

there are two menu choices

Take it

leave it..

I like the second one. I have it in my living room. It says:

Martha Stewart doesn't live here.
It's a good thing.

Mine say:

The only thing normal in this house is the setting on the dryer

AND

An immaculate house is a sign of a wasted life

Double clutchin', on the back seat................