I'm a BAD American... George Carlin humour

ToplessRideFL · Post by **ToplessRideFL** » April 18, 2005 10:01 pm

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by: George Carlin (well, it turns our George didnt write it...but It's still pretty good material and the points of the unknown author are well taken )

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority or non minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying, paying, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.
And, no, I don't mind having my face shown on my drivers license. I think it's good.....and I'm proud that "God" is written on my money. I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices... again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

My disclaimer...This was sent to me and I thought I would share a bit of George Carlin's humour. I in no way agree or disagree with all of the points Mr. Carlin makes... but thought some of them were right on target and funny as hell. Enjoy... (whew...hope it gets me off the hook!

)

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » April 18, 2005 10:04 pm

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

Elrod · Post by **Elrod** » April 18, 2005 10:09 pm

I wonder if we could get George Carlin and Ted Nugent to run on the same ticket?

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » April 18, 2005 10:20 pm

Elrod wrote:I wonder if we could get George Carlin and Ted Nugent to run on the same ticket?

I was just thinking the same thing.

Key Lime Lee · Post by **Key Lime Lee** » April 18, 2005 10:20 pm

George says it's not from him...

http://www.georgecarlin.com/home/dontblame.html

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » April 18, 2005 10:22 pm

Key Lime Lee wrote:George says it's not from him...

http://www.georgecarlin.com/home/dontblame.html

Yeah Lee. Go and spoil the party

ToplessRideFL · Post by **ToplessRideFL** » April 18, 2005 10:22 pm

Damn my friend Karyn.... I am sure she didn't know. Should I remove it?

Key Lime Lee · Post by **Key Lime Lee** » April 18, 2005 10:23 pm

this is even funnier... from his home page:

News Flash:
The following items (including the "Bad American" email) were NOT written by George Carlin: Read Carlin's response to the crap attributed to him on the internet.

a1aara · Post by **a1aara** » April 18, 2005 10:27 pm

Ed Note: There is a new bogus Carlin email circulating, which you can see here - it's utterly NOT Carlin's work. New Note [06/01]: Another bogus Carlin piece about life going backwards (also available here and 48,000 other places online). This one has also been attributed to Robert Benson and Andy Rooney. [06/01]: More lists of jokes [ie: "When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?"] being forwarded around the Internet that are not Carlin. It will never end. [07/01] Here are 3 joke lists that were not written by George Carlin: this includes the "Bad American" email that has been making the rounds. We may repeat ourselves here a little in the name of truth...)

DON'T BLAME ME
Floating around the Internet these days, posted and e-mailed back and forth, are a number of writings attributed to me, and I want people to know they're not mine. Don't blame me.

Some are essay-length, some are just short lists of one and two-line jokes, but if they're flyin' around the Internet, they're probably not mine. Occasionally, a couple of jokes on a long list might have come from me, but not often. And because most of this stuff is really lame, it's embarrassing to see my name on it.

And that's the problem. I want people to know that I take care with my writing, and try to keep my standards high. But most of this "humor" on the Internet is just plain stupid. I guess hard-core fans who follow my stuff closely would be able to spot the fake stuff, because the tone of voice is so different. But a casual fan has no way of knowing, and it bothers me that some people might believe I'd actually be capable of writing some of this stuff.

"PARADOX OF OUR TIME"
One of the more embarrassing items making the internet/e-mail rounds is a sappy load of s*** called "The Paradox of Our Time." The main problem I have with it is that as true as some of the expressed sentiments may be, who really gives a s***? Certainly not me.

I figured out years ago that the human species is totally f**** and has been for a long time. I also know that the sick, media-consumer culture in America continues to make this so-called problem worse. But the trick, folks, is not to give a *****. Like me. I really don't care. I stopped worrying about all this temporal ***** a long time ago. It's meaningless. (See the preface of "Braindroppings.")

Another problem I have with "Paradox" is that the ideas are all expressed in a sort of pseudo-spiritual, New-Age-y, "Gee-whiz-can't-we-do-better-than-this" tone of voice. It's not only bad prose and poetry, it's weak philosophy. I hope I never sound like that.

HOW TO SPOT A FAKE
Here's a rule of thumb, folks: Nothing you see on the Internet is mine unless it came from one of my albums, books, HBO shows, or appeared on my website. If you see something with my name on it, and you really need to find out if it's mine, post a question on my bulletin board . But only if it's really important to you; don't ***** around with me for a lark.

ParrotheadGator · Post by **ParrotheadGator** » April 19, 2005 7:15 am

I don't care you wrote it, that's good stuff

ToplessRideFL · Post by **ToplessRideFL** » April 19, 2005 7:17 am

ParrotheadGator wrote:I don't care you wrote it, that's good stuff

Well I didnt write it...just passed it on.... LOL

RAGTOP · Post by **RAGTOP** » April 19, 2005 7:56 am

George would never write such drivel

.

PHBeerman · Post by **PHBeerman** » April 19, 2005 9:13 am

I could give a damn who wrote it. I love most of it. It would be perfect if you took out the Big mac and the Slave comments those just do not fly with me.

ph4ever · Post by **ph4ever** » April 19, 2005 9:20 am

PHBeerman · Post by **PHBeerman** » April 19, 2005 9:32 am

And with Jesse Jackson, I don't know why they singled him out. There are many other Religious zealots who should be included.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » April 19, 2005 9:46 am

PHBeerman wrote:I could give a damn who wrote it. I love most of it. It would be perfect if you took out the Big mac and the Slave comments those just do not fly with me.

I'd leave the Big Mac comment in. I just think that if you want a job in which you interact with the American public on a daily basis, you should have a decent command of the language of the majority of the folks you're gonna be dealing with.

PHBeerman · Post by **PHBeerman** » April 19, 2005 9:49 am

rednekkPH wrote:
PHBeerman wrote:I could give a damn who wrote it. I love most of it. It would be perfect if you took out the Big mac and the Slave comments those just do not fly with me.
I'd leave the Big Mac comment in. I just think that if you want a job in which you interact with the American public on a daily basis, you should have a decent command of the language of the majority of the folks you're gonna be dealing with.

So when did you learn Welfarese? Isn't that the chosen language of the majority of the folks you interact with on a daily basis?

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » April 19, 2005 9:51 am

PHBeerman wrote:
rednekkPH wrote:
PHBeerman wrote:I could give a damn who wrote it. I love most of it. It would be perfect if you took out the Big mac and the Slave comments those just do not fly with me.
I'd leave the Big Mac comment in. I just think that if you want a job in which you interact with the American public on a daily basis, you should have a decent command of the language of the majority of the folks you're gonna be dealing with.
So when did you learn Welfarese? Isn't that the chosen language of the majority of the folks you interact with on a daily basis?

Welfarese is easy, dude. Just hit the speakerphone button, walk away and do something else, while saying "yeah, uh-huh" when you hear a pause. I became fluent like 2 days after I started here.

PHBeerman · Post by **PHBeerman** » April 19, 2005 9:53 am

rednekkPH wrote:Welfarese is easy, dude. Just hit the speakerphone button, walk away and do something else, while saying "yeah, uh-huh" when you hear a pause. I became fluent like 2 days after I started here.

Hey that is what I do with our executives.

Executivish and Wefarese seem mighty similar.

ParrotheadGator · Post by **ParrotheadGator** » April 19, 2005 10:05 am

PHBeerman wrote:And with Jesse Jackson, I don't know why they singled him out. There are many other Religious zealots who should be included.

Benny Hinn is the biggest con artist in the world, next to the IRS