Coffee Break
Posted: August 13, 2005 3:22 pm
Date: Thu, 17 Nov 1994 14:27:29 -0500
Subject: Coffee Addicts
In October 1992, the ABU support team in Bellevue sent care packages
of Starbuck's coffee, chocolate covered coffee beans, and Frangos to
the North Carolina and Texas ABU teams. This is one NC engineer's
account of what happened next....
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From: Anthony Pacheco
Subject: Thanks for the Care Package!
Date: Thursday, October 29, 1992 11:35AM
Bryce,
I say, the care package you sent was a big hit here, thanks! Below is
a chronological description of the care package consumption:
Sometime before Friday: The Care package arrives. I resist all
temptation to open the package and consume an entire box of Frangos.
Very impressive.
Friday 9:45 AM: I arrive early to work and open the care package that
was hidden under my desk. I 'm amazed at all the good stuff in side,
but somewhat disappointed to find that there were two boxes of Frango
(or what ever they are calling them now) chocolate mints: I could have
eaten a box and nobody would have known. Oh well. I make a pot of
coffee using the robust Yukon blend, and eat three or four chocolate
covered expresso beans. I send a message to NCABU announcing the goodies.
10:00 AM: The pot of coffee is gone and ErikaPh, my manager, makes
another, which of course I have to sample. All the items are a big hit
with everybody so far, except the chocolate covered expresso beans,
which are only popular with the real coffee fans (who absolutely love
them). Not letting a good thing go to waste, I have a couple more, a
mint or two, and start on my second cup of coffee. I notice Erika
actually drank two cups from this pot, and I start to wonder how I
could approach my manager about making sure she leaves enough coffee
for the rest of the queue.
10:10 AM: The pot of coffee is out again so HarveyY makes another. I
of course must sample the Cafe Verona blend and indulge in a few more
chocolate covered expresso beans. Erika again drinks two more cups of
coffee. I frown but say nothing and in my depression eat another
Frango chocolate mint.
10:30 AM: There has been a single cup of coffee left for some time,
and not to let it go to waste, I drink it.
11:00 AM: KevinCo sees the empty coffee pot so he makes another, and
then fills my cup under protest. Erika again drops by and fills her
mug, and pilfers some chocolate covered xxpresso beans. For some
strange reason, my typing speed has increased from, 25 WPM to 60 WPM,
11:45 AM: For some (unknown) reason, I feel agitated. To bleed of all
the excess energy coming from nowhere, I do 92 pushups while helping a
University of Oregon grad student with Excel. Out the window I notice
Erika is on her second lap running around the building. After all that
exercise, I feel thirsty, so I drink another cup of coffee and for a
snack down a few more chocolate covered expresso beans.
12:10 PM: I now notice that there are people dropping by my cube that
usually don't, in fact, I've seen the entire queue come by and sample
some goodies. I try to chat, but for some reason people seem
interested in just sampling the various yummy Frangos and the
chocolate-almond mocha's. Erika stops by for more coffee and we
exchange unpleasantries. I don't recall the exact conversation, but I
do remember the phrases "useless stingy middle-manager" and "whinny
engineer". For therapy I eat a few more chocolate covered expresso
beans and try to look up how to make a car bomb on Internet's
rec.pursuits.anarchy.
1:00 PM: I skip lunch, but do drink another cup of coffee and make
another pot by request. Getting bored, I pick up the Charlotte phone
book and start dialing people at random, asking if they need any help
with Excel. Erika comes by for another cup of coffee. I miss her with
the stapler, but she wings me a good one with one of those cube coat hooks.
2:00 PM: The entire queue, I believe, is wired with caffeine and
sugar. I, being a Seattle native, am immune to these effects. MikeNa
is 10 minutes into teaching his 2nd impromptu aerobics class. It is
very interesting to watch engineers do jumping jacks while holding
their Aspect phones.
3:00 PM: HarveyY has built a small shrine for the coffee pot in the
empty cube next to me, and the low humming has started to get on my
nerves: "Huummmmm <sip> Hummmm <sip> Hummmmm <sip>." Some people, I
swear.
3:30 PM: The Starbucks Guatemalan blend has been polished off, and a
fight has ensued in the hallway on whether to ration the chocolate
covered expresso beans for later or continue with the consumption.
Hastily, I build a laser pistol out of my MS Mouse card and the power
supply from my Mac II CI, and the fight quickly ends. MikeNa shows up
and drags the unconscious rebels back to their desks.
4:00 PM: If I could just talk to the cleaning people into lending me
some Drain-O, I can complete the car bomb before Erika goes home. The
coffee pot is empty again so of course I make another. Nice guy that I
am, I drink a cup to sample the brew and deem it Most Excellent. I
have a couple of Frango mints to compensate for skipping lunch.
5:00 PM: KevinCo informs me that Erika has been slipping by in
camouflage spandex to siphon off coffee with a long straw. I thank him
for this valuable intelligence information. In a time-honored Seattle
Male Bonding Ritual, we eat 5 chocolate covered expresso beans each.
6:15 PM: I send mail to the entire queue announcing a fresh pot of
coffee (after drinking a cup first) and await Erika to sneak by with glee.
6:20 PM: I caught Erika red-handed. I dodge the pen she tried to stab
me with, and landed a good blow to her left kidney. As she is crawling
back to her desk I hear her mumble something about "time to write a review".
6:25 PM I panic and in desperation, log on to the mail server with a
VTP connection. I hack my way into Erika's Xenix mail spool file and
quickly write, in the Xenix Borne C Shell, a program that will send an
email message every 30 seconds using Erika's email name. I address it
to the only people on campus at the time, Corporate Security, and title
the message, "I Want Bill Gate's Love Child!". I "cc"
ingate!ALL@ibm.com and ingate!JScully@apple.com just for giggles and grins.
7:30 PM: Two security guards show up, one drags Erika away and the
other starts packing her desk. I laugh hideously at her shrieks of
protest, and in celebration jump in my girl friend's sports car and
drive around the Charlotte Coliseum several times at 120 MPH.
8:00 PM: I'm feeling really tired. KevinCo points out that there
still an entire box of chocolate covered expresso beans left. Not
wanting them to go to waste, we each eat half a box.
9:00 PM After successfully typing my 3rd impromptu novel while helping
Betty from Orlando with a data consolidation, MikeNa announces that the
queue has been shut off. After the phone call I drink 14 complementary
beers, and for some unknown reason, still couldn't get to sleep that night.
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