Engineers . . .

[SeattleParrotHead]

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, " Where did you get such a great bike? "
The second engineer replied, " Well, i was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, " Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly, " Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit. "
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To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

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A pastor, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, " Whats with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes ! "
The doctor chimed in, " I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude ! "
The pastor said, " Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Lets have a word with him. "
" Hi George! Say, what's with the group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they? "
The greens keeper replied, " Oh yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime. "
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, " That's so bad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight. "
The doctor said, " Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them. "
The engineer said, " Why can't these guys play at night ? "
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, " Why does it work? "
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, " How does it work ? "
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, " How much will it cost? "
The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, " Do you want fries with that ? "
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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, " It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints. "
Another said, " No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has thousands of electrical connections. "
The last one said, " Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area ? "
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" Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. "
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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, " I like both,"
" Both? "
" Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done. "
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An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said,
" If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. "
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, " If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, i will stay with you for one week. "
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, " If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want. "
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, " What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me? "
The engineer said, " Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.

[davesnik]

Thanks for sharing these! My dad (along with 1/2 of my other relatives) is an engineer. I think he'll get a kick out of these!

[maggiemay56]

Those are great! My dad, brother, son & future (?) daughter-in-law are all engineers, so I really appreciate the humor. (we cover all the fields; chemical, electrical, mechanical & civil) Thanks!

Can't wait to forward those!

[Sidew13]

Engineers are silly

[Ilph]

[unclejohn]

[BadHabitsAcctnt]