Advice needed regarding teen pregnancy....

[Crzy]

Hey all, I know that I don't post too often, I am a true lurker... but I have often read the advice you have given each other....

A lovely young girl, age 16, who will more than likely become my sister-in-law is pregnant. She has been given the third degree by everyone else. I feel scared for her. Anyone have any ideas about what to say to her that lets her know I am here for help and support? Anything I can say to make her feel better? Her brothers are ready to kill the guy but I understand young love and that that won't solve anything o make her anymore receptive so...

Thanks in advance...

[sy]

A hug, a warm smile, and an ear to listen if she wants to talk?

Sometimes no words give the biggest message and in that situation, I can only imagine how hard it is to find someone with an open mind to talk to.

But that's only my opinion, I have no personal experience with that.

[buffettbride]

If she is your future SIL, does that mean "the guy" is your brother?

[Crzy]

no... her brother is my guy... "the guy" needed a swift kick in the rear before this.. he is 18 and doing nothing to improve his life

[buffettbride]

Tell her you'll be there as a friend and a shoulder to cry on. I wasn't pregnant as a teenager, but I was very, very alone when I was pregnant with my daughter. It's very scary and there's a lot to take care of, and everyone...EVERYONE has an opinion about your "condition"--good, bad, or otherwise. Let her know she can be a good mom despite everyone else's opinions. You can maybe offer to go to her appointments with her or help her with transportation.

As far as "the guy"... well, no one can make him be responsible or a good father or make good decisions.

But, she can make the good and right decisions for herself and her baby.

[Crzy]

Tell her you'll be there as a friend and a shoulder to cry on. I wasn't pregnant as a teenager, but I was very, very alone when I was pregnant with my daughter. It's very scary and there's a lot to take care of, and everyone...EVERYONE has an opinion about your "condition"--good, bad, or otherwise. Let her know she can be a good mom despite everyone else's opinions. You can maybe offer to go to her appointments with her or help her with transportation.

As far as "the guy"... well, no one can make him be responsible or a good father or make good decisions.

But, she can make the good and right decisions for herself and her baby.

I was thinking about offering to take her (maybe both of them) to speak with a planned parenthood counsler. I didn't know if this was a good or bad idea.. any thoughts?

[buffettbride]

Tell her you'll be there as a friend and a shoulder to cry on. I wasn't pregnant as a teenager, but I was very, very alone when I was pregnant with my daughter. It's very scary and there's a lot to take care of, and everyone...EVERYONE has an opinion about your "condition"--good, bad, or otherwise. Let her know she can be a good mom despite everyone else's opinions. You can maybe offer to go to her appointments with her or help her with transportation.

As far as "the guy"... well, no one can make him be responsible or a good father or make good decisions.

But, she can make the good and right decisions for herself and her baby.

I was thinking about offering to take her (maybe both of them) to speak with a planned parenthood counsler. I didn't know if this was a good or bad idea.. any thoughts?

Well, um, planned parenthood wouldn't be my first choice. Does she know for sure that she wants to have the baby? If she has health insurance, her OB (baby delivery doctor) would probably the best place to start and talk about all the related stress--being pregnant, having a baby, being a mother, relationship with the father, etc.

I'd start by asking her what SHE wants and go from there. Just be there for her, don't be judgemental, and help her think through her decisions. It's kinda hard to explain but being pregnant makes you really kinda nutty, and especially in situations like that, there's a lot of uncertainty, family fantasy type thoughts, etc.

[Crzy]

Tell her you'll be there as a friend and a shoulder to cry on. I wasn't pregnant as a teenager, but I was very, very alone when I was pregnant with my daughter. It's very scary and there's a lot to take care of, and everyone...EVERYONE has an opinion about your "condition"--good, bad, or otherwise. Let her know she can be a good mom despite everyone else's opinions. You can maybe offer to go to her appointments with her or help her with transportation.

As far as "the guy"... well, no one can make him be responsible or a good father or make good decisions.

But, she can make the good and right decisions for herself and her baby.

I was thinking about offering to take her (maybe both of them) to speak with a planned parenthood counsler. I didn't know if this was a good or bad idea.. any thoughts?

Well, um, planned parenthood wouldn't be my first choice. Does she know for sure that she wants to have the baby? If she has health insurance, her OB (baby delivery doctor) would probably the best place to start and talk about all the related stress--being pregnant, having a baby, being a mother, relationship with the father, etc.

I'd start by asking her what SHE wants and go from there. Just be there for her, don't be judgemental, and help her think through her decisions. It's kinda hard to explain but being pregnant makes you really kinda nutty, and especially in situations like that, there's a lot of uncertainty, family fantasy type thoughts, etc.

She is not 100% sure about what she wants to do. I was just thinking that she may need to talk to someone who can tell her what all of her options are at this point. She is not quite 2 months along... i'll have to find out is she has insurance or not. This poor family has been through so much over the past couple of years... thanks Mal!

[Burny Charles]

being pregnant makes you really kinda nutty

Are you pregnant?

[buffettbride]

Tell her you'll be there as a friend and a shoulder to cry on. I wasn't pregnant as a teenager, but I was very, very alone when I was pregnant with my daughter. It's very scary and there's a lot to take care of, and everyone...EVERYONE has an opinion about your "condition"--good, bad, or otherwise. Let her know she can be a good mom despite everyone else's opinions. You can maybe offer to go to her appointments with her or help her with transportation.

As far as "the guy"... well, no one can make him be responsible or a good father or make good decisions.

But, she can make the good and right decisions for herself and her baby.

I was thinking about offering to take her (maybe both of them) to speak with a planned parenthood counsler. I didn't know if this was a good or bad idea.. any thoughts?

Well, um, planned parenthood wouldn't be my first choice. Does she know for sure that she wants to have the baby? If she has health insurance, her OB (baby delivery doctor) would probably the best place to start and talk about all the related stress--being pregnant, having a baby, being a mother, relationship with the father, etc.

I'd start by asking her what SHE wants and go from there. Just be there for her, don't be judgemental, and help her think through her decisions. It's kinda hard to explain but being pregnant makes you really kinda nutty, and especially in situations like that, there's a lot of uncertainty, family fantasy type thoughts, etc.

She is not 100% sure about what she wants to do. I was just thinking that she may need to talk to someone who can tell her what all of her options are at this point. She is not quite 2 months along... i'll have to find out is she has insurance or not. This poor family has been through so much over the past couple of years... thanks Mal!

You got it Callie! Feel free to PM me about it any time! Like I said, I wasn't a teenager when I first got pregnant, but I definitely had an uncertain future!

If she's not sure what she's gonna do, then Planned Parenthood might be a good place to start afterall since they will present her with all of her options.

[buffettbride]

being pregnant makes you really kinda nutty

Are you pregnant?

No!

Pregnant nutty is a whole different kind of nutty!

[krusin1]

Tell her you'll be there as a friend and a shoulder to cry on. I wasn't pregnant as a teenager, but I was very, very alone when I was pregnant with my daughter. It's very scary and there's a lot to take care of, and everyone...EVERYONE has an opinion about your "condition"--good, bad, or otherwise. Let her know she can be a good mom despite everyone else's opinions. You can maybe offer to go to her appointments with her or help her with transportation.

As far as "the guy"... well, no one can make him be responsible or a good father or make good decisions.

But, she can make the good and right decisions for herself and her baby.

I was thinking about offering to take her (maybe both of them) to speak with a planned parenthood counsler. I didn't know if this was a good or bad idea.. any thoughts?

Well, um, planned parenthood wouldn't be my first choice. Does she know for sure that she wants to have the baby? If she has health insurance, her OB (baby delivery doctor) would probably the best place to start and talk about all the related stress--being pregnant, having a baby, being a mother, relationship with the father, etc.

I'd start by asking her what SHE wants and go from there. Just be there for her, don't be judgemental, and help her think through her decisions. It's kinda hard to explain but being pregnant makes you really kinda nutty, and especially in situations like that, there's a lot of uncertainty, family fantasy type thoughts, etc.

She is not 100% sure about what she wants to do. I was just thinking that she may need to talk to someone who can tell her what all of her options are at this point. She is not quite 2 months along... i'll have to find out is she has insurance or not. This poor family has been through so much over the past couple of years... thanks Mal!

Although I know she has "options," I hope she'll bring the new person into the world. If she feels she can't care for the baby, she could give a wonderful gift to a loving couple that is unable to have children. Adoption is an incredible act of love.

Similarly, (as a high school teacher)I've seen many young women with unplanned pregnancies who kept the baby, and although there is hardship, each of them will tell you what a blessing their (unexpected) child has become.

All thoughts and prayers to the young mother-to-be.