The real meaning behind personal ads
Posted: May 30, 2006 1:22 am
WHAT PEOPLE REALLY MEAN WHEN THEY PLACE PERSONAL ADS
First the Women:
40-Ish-48
Adventurer-.Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic-Flat-Chested
Average Looking-Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological Liar
Contagious Smile - Bring your Penicillin
Educated - College Dropout
Emotionally Secure - Medicated
Feminist - Fat, Ball Buster
Free spirit - Substance User
Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun - Annoying
Gentle - Comatose
Good Listener - Borderline Autistic
New-Age - All body hair, all the time
Old-Fashioned - Lights Out, missionary position only
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud
Passionate - Loud
Poet - Depressive financially insecure
Professional - Real Witch
RedHead - Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque - Grossly Fat
Romantic - Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Weight proportional to height - Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate - One step away from stalking
Widow - Nagged first husband to death
Young at Heart - Toothless Crone
The Male side of the list
40-ish - 52 and looking for a 25 year old
Athletic - Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average Looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose and back
Educated - Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit - Will sleep with your sister
Friendship First - As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun - Good with a remote and a Six Pack
Good Looking - Arrogant
Honest - Pathological Liar
Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to Cuddle - Insecure, overly dependant
Mature - Until you get to know him
Open-Minded - Wants to sleep with your sister, but she's not interested
Physically Fit - I spend a lot of time in front of a mirror admiring myself
Poet - Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual - Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable - Occasional Stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding Beer
I guess, then, I could describe myself as athletic and fun
First the Women:
40-Ish-48
Adventurer-.Has had more partners than you ever will
Athletic-Flat-Chested
Average Looking-Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological Liar
Contagious Smile - Bring your Penicillin
Educated - College Dropout
Emotionally Secure - Medicated
Feminist - Fat, Ball Buster
Free spirit - Substance User
Friendship first - Trying to live down reputation as slut
Fun - Annoying
Gentle - Comatose
Good Listener - Borderline Autistic
New-Age - All body hair, all the time
Old-Fashioned - Lights Out, missionary position only
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud
Passionate - Loud
Poet - Depressive financially insecure
Professional - Real Witch
RedHead - Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque - Grossly Fat
Romantic - Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Weight proportional to height - Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate - One step away from stalking
Widow - Nagged first husband to death
Young at Heart - Toothless Crone
The Male side of the list
40-ish - 52 and looking for a 25 year old
Athletic - Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
Average Looking - Unusual hair growth on ears, nose and back
Educated - Will always treat you like an idiot
Free Spirit - Will sleep with your sister
Friendship First - As long as friendship involves nudity
Fun - Good with a remote and a Six Pack
Good Looking - Arrogant
Honest - Pathological Liar
Huggable - Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to Cuddle - Insecure, overly dependant
Mature - Until you get to know him
Open-Minded - Wants to sleep with your sister, but she's not interested
Physically Fit - I spend a lot of time in front of a mirror admiring myself
Poet - Has written on a bathroom stall
Spiritual - Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
Stable - Occasional Stalker, but never arrested
Thoughtful - Says "Please" when demanding Beer
I guess, then, I could describe myself as athletic and fun
