LIES

MA_Buffett_Fan23 · Post by **MA_Buffett_Fan23** » March 23, 2007 9:51 am

Why do people feel the need to lie? I caught someone I really care about last night in a lie and when I asked them about it this morning they had a poor excuse which made me even more angry..

I don't understand people at times.. I don't know how you can lie to someone especially if it's someone you say you really care about...

Capt.Flock · Post by **Capt.Flock** » March 23, 2007 10:01 am

Who knows why people lie , sorry to hear about that hun.

Dezdmona · Post by **Dezdmona** » March 23, 2007 10:21 am

People lie to protect themselves, look good, gain financially or socially and avoid punishment.

Better for the person to admit their lie upfront because they feel guilty over having told it than to be confronted about it because it affects trust in the relationship.

I'd say everyone lies sometimes, i.e., "white lies" or "omission of the truth".
But lying can become problematic, hurtful and habitual.

Hope your friend feels badly for having lied to you, and you can work through it.

txaggirl91 · Post by **txaggirl91** » March 23, 2007 10:29 am

I get to sit every Thursday from 3-5 and listen to people lie about plagiarism.

but on a personal note - if i catch a person in a lie, then it is VERY hard to regain my trust.

MA_Buffett_Fan23 · Post by **MA_Buffett_Fan23** » March 23, 2007 10:33 am

That's what I'm struggling with.. you lied to me, I know it, you know it but you still won't admit to it.. Makes me wonder what else I've been told is a lie?!? I'm a very trusting person until you break that trust and right now that trust is broken.. Unfortunately it's happening at a bad time to so it's making the matter worse..

sunseeker · Post by **sunseeker** » March 23, 2007 10:35 am

During my life, I have had many disappointments and failures. The biggest disappointments have came, when someone has proven untrustworthy. Liars, cheaters, and those people that pretend to be your friend. These disappointments hurt the worst. Ulitimately...these people discard what you have given them- your trust.

RinglingRingling · Post by **RinglingRingling** » March 23, 2007 10:39 am

The Tumour was a habitual liar, doing a combination of both lies by omission, and lies by commission. I had too much practice spotting them after a while, it was just easier to disbelieve everything she said. Of course, when confronted and caught.. let's just say she wasn't really good at accepting she'd been. I learned how to ask questions so there was no way to misinterpret the intent of the question, or the answer.

Others have been more "lies by omission", which is worse in some ways. Being given enough information to form one opinion or belief, only to find out that the necessary details to get a better "big picture" view were left out makes the listener wonder if the omission was intentional or not; it damages the trust.

That said.. there are white lies like, "this is the first time I had xxxxx fixed that way" that can be taken positively, even if peanut butter and hummus blended together over macaroni isn't nearly as good as cheese..

Obviously this was not the case?

RinglingRingling · Post by **RinglingRingling** » March 23, 2007 10:40 am

sunseeker wrote:During my life, I have had many disappointments and failures. The biggest disappointments have came, when someone has proven untrustworthy. Liars, cheaters, and those people that pretend to be your friend. These disappointments hurt the worst. Ulitimately...these people discard what you have given them- your trust.

exactly

ToplessRideFL · Post by **ToplessRideFL** » March 23, 2007 10:42 am

In some cases.... and before you throw the book at me.... I said some......

There is something to be said for forgiveness......... as long as one identifies the lie and takes action to make it right

MA_Buffett_Fan23 · Post by **MA_Buffett_Fan23** » March 23, 2007 10:48 am

ToplessRideFL wrote:In some cases.... and before you throw the book at me.... I said some......

There is something to be said for forgiveness......... as long as one identifies the lie and takes action to make it right

I agree!!! However when they can't admit the lie and continue the lie it's not as easy to forgive.. Had this individual just come out and said "XYZ" rather than stumbling over their words last night there wouldn't be an issue. I can handle the truth, I can handle it whether it's good or bad. I can't handle being lied to!

RinglingRingling · Post by **RinglingRingling** » March 23, 2007 10:51 am

ToplessRideFL wrote:In some cases.... and before you throw the book at me.... I said some......

There is something to be said for forgiveness......... as long as one identifies the lie and takes action to make it right

yes, but once it goes to the escalation/confrontation/vehement denial, it gets harder to forgive the lie.

Dezdmona · Post by **Dezdmona** » March 23, 2007 10:51 am

MA_Buffett_Fan23 wrote:However when they can't admit the lie and continue the lie it's not as easy to forgive.. Had this individual just come out and said "XYZ" rather than stumbling over their words last night there wouldn't be an issue. I can handle the truth, I can handle it whether it's good or bad. I can't handle being lied to!

I wonder why they are so afraid to admit the truth?

MA_Buffett_Fan23 · Post by **MA_Buffett_Fan23** » March 23, 2007 10:54 am

Dezdmona wrote:I wonder why they are so afraid to admit the truth?

My thought exactly.. we've NEVER had an issue with communicating with each other.. good or bad.. we've been therefore each other during some of the hardest times of our lives over the past 7 years and I've always felt this person was being truthful and honest. All of a sudden one lie is making me question everything.. I guess I just don't understand how this person still cannot admit after being caught in the lie...

ScarletB · Post by **ScarletB** » March 23, 2007 10:57 am

I had an ex who would lie about the dumbest things, however THEN I caught him in the BIG ONE and there was denial and anger (at ME for catching him in the lie) I read a lot of books on the subject after that and what they said was that it was to a large degree a control issue. Somehow the person feels better thinking that they are controlling what you know and therefore how you feel about them.

I'm sorry, I know it's very distressing.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » March 23, 2007 11:03 am

((Christina))

Sounds like you're up against a lot of change lately. It can all seem overwhelming and frustrating and scary when it all unloads at once. Sometimes, especially as women, we forget what is best for ourselves because we are factoring too many things into the decisions we're trying to make.

That said, follow your heart. With the liar, with the move, with everything. Really think about what you feel will lead you to peace and do that. Even if the journey changes along the way, that's OK. YOU are the one who counts amidst all these changes and decisions.

Of course it's easier said than done, but I know the strength you have within you to pick what's right in your heart.

If that doesn't work, I've heard drinking heavily and bisexual experiences work wonders.

j/k

take care girly girl!

Capt.Flock · Post by **Capt.Flock** » March 23, 2007 11:11 am

RinglingRingling wrote:
ToplessRideFL wrote:In some cases.... and before you throw the book at me.... I said some......

There is something to be said for forgiveness......... as long as one identifies the lie and takes action to make it right
yes, but once it goes to the escalation/confrontation/vehement denial, it gets harder to forgive the lie.

or sometimes impossible to forgive

MA_Buffett_Fan23 · Post by **MA_Buffett_Fan23** » March 23, 2007 11:11 am

ScarletB wrote:I had an ex who would lie about the dumbest things, however THEN I caught him in the BIG ONE and there was denial and anger (at ME for catching him in the lie) I read a lot of books on the subject after that and what they said was that it was to a large degree a control issue. Somehow the person feels better thinking that they are controlling what you know and therefore how you feel about them.

I'm sorry, I know it's very distressing.

I agree with the bolded information above.. I have a feeling that is why this person is lying to me.. I still don't understand it though..

MA_Buffett_Fan23 · Post by **MA_Buffett_Fan23** » March 23, 2007 11:16 am

buffettbride wrote:((Christina))

Sounds like you're up against a lot of change lately. It can all seem overwhelming and frustrating and scary when it all unloads at once. Sometimes, especially as women, we forget what is best for ourselves because we are factoring too many things into the decisions we're trying to make.

That said, follow your heart. With the liar, with the move, with everything. Really think about what you feel will lead you to peace and do that. Even if the journey changes along the way, that's OK. YOU are the one who counts amidst all these changes and decisions.

Of course it's easier said than done, but I know the strength you have within you to pick what's right in your heart.

If that doesn't work, I've heard drinking heavily and bisexual experiences work wonders. j/k

take care girly girl!

Change?!?! you could say that.. it seems like everything is all happening at once and I have no clue what to make a priority and my focus.. ARGHHHHH

Drinking will be mandatory tonight.. I need to just relax and forget about everything even if it just for an hour or two..

AlbatrossFlyer · Post by **AlbatrossFlyer** » March 23, 2007 11:31 am

MA_Buffett_Fan23 wrote:I agree with the bolded information above.. I have a feeling that is why this person is lying to me.. I still don't understand it though..

people lie, then lie about lieing. it's called human nature. (some call it politics)

welcome to the real world.

Capt.Flock · Post by **Capt.Flock** » March 23, 2007 11:36 am

MA_Buffett_Fan23 wrote:
buffettbride wrote:((Christina))

Sounds like you're up against a lot of change lately. It can all seem overwhelming and frustrating and scary when it all unloads at once. Sometimes, especially as women, we forget what is best for ourselves because we are factoring too many things into the decisions we're trying to make.

That said, follow your heart. With the liar, with the move, with everything. Really think about what you feel will lead you to peace and do that. Even if the journey changes along the way, that's OK. YOU are the one who counts amidst all these changes and decisions.

Of course it's easier said than done, but I know the strength you have within you to pick what's right in your heart.

If that doesn't work, I've heard drinking heavily and bisexual experiences work wonders. j/k

take care girly girl!

Change?!?! you could say that.. it seems like everything is all happening at once and I have no clue what to make a priority and my focus.. ARGHHHHH

Drinking will be mandatory tonight.. I need to just relax and forget about everything even if it just for an hour or two..

if it was nice out i would say go to the Hofbrauhaus and try to take a mug home