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ph4ever wrote:I'll have to disagree - I'd rather have the college kids

I love... never mind....

PIA wrote:

OceanCityGirl wrote:Wow I missed the part about them hating you. I sure hope I'm right and it's not true. Are you an only child? That might be one of the reasons they have such a hart time letting go.
The fact that they take your mistakes as hard on themselves shows that they do love you. Good parents feel their responsibility heavily. It's hard to see your kids mistakes as theirs alone. We've taught you and you are in large part what we've put into you. Therefore when kids mess up we think, wow I really let them down there. How did I not teach them that. Or we see our mistakes in you.
My kids are treated as adults with no curfew and the freedom to make their own decisions. But they have to show a minimum of responsibility to get the financial support. Go to class, pay your bills, save some of your summer money for the winter, and help with household chores. That's pretty much it. Oh, and don't give under aged persons alcohol in my house, esp. not my alcohol. If you do those things you'll never hear a word from me except that I'm glad you're my kid. I know time is short with them home and really do love having them all around.
And Cory, I'm so sorry you are getting this vibe from your parents. I'm glad you also see they love you. In a calm moment maybe you can try some negotiating and let them know how you are feeling about things. You seem like a great kid.

well thanks and i try to be the best person i can...

i know they dont hate me...but the way that they talk to me makes me feel like they do...how am i sopposed to respect them when i get little or none?...and im talking about like a conversational respect...i can never get my opinion in and am constantly cutoff when i do get a word in...they aalways say they are not yelling at me they are just "talking" to me...well thats not how it sounds...so i just take it...i take it because even if i do get to talk im not sure if what i say will have an effect on their opinion...

sometimes it feels like they are just trying to withholld the "good parents" front...everyone wants to have the perfect family with the perfect kids and life...well no one is perfect...

and i am not the only child i am THE OLDEST of three

next summer id like to get an internship in pittsburgh...and i can live with my friends that go to pitt and will be there for the summer...they have a huge house so i would pay part of the rent...i just need to get away from them and show them im capable of being an adult....

i have three jobs this summer...and i still get that im not working enough...

Hey Cory,
I'm 5 years + out of college, married, working, and I am JUST NOW getting to the point where my dad is respecting me as an adult.....mom had issues initially too, but came around a lot faster. My husband is the oldest of 3, and he gets it all the time, too........never good enough, no matter how much you do, it's never enough. I'm an 'only', and my dad was REALLY on my sh*t after college and even WORSE when i got married. WIth him, it was less about the finances (he knew i did well and worked hard) but it was more about opinions and such.....i.e. I couldn't POSSIBLY know what I was talking about, etc.
I understood after a while (and it did take me a while) that it was really him just trying to 'hang on' to his baby girl.....he felt like I didn't need him anymore now that I was married and moved away (only an hour, but he truly acted like it was california...even gave me a card once that was written beautifully, but said something on the front about 'even though you're far away'!) and because of it all, he tried to give me advice, but wouldn't listen if I had an idea or work WITH me on an issue. I actually got stubborn with him (which was really hard) and haltingly asserted myself........and he left my house in a huff and didn't call/talk to me for 3 months. But, I stuck to my guns and learned to catch it ahead of time, when he was acting overbearing or starting to try to discount my opinions....and I stood up to him. (stammering though. LOL.) Things did turn around; I still stay watchful but he is a lot better.

An internship is a GREAT idea. I did one the summer between junior and senior year in syracuse, and it helped a LOT. You really do get to the point where it's too many adults under one roof....nobody's fault, it's just everybody does things a little differently, right down to how you install the TP on the roll in the bathroom.

Hang in there. I know it's a pain in the a$$ but they do love you and are scared to death that their firstborn is growing up and away from them. I'm sure you were always a reasonably good kid too, and that's even MORE infuriating...because it's not like you were a hell's angel in high school and gave them reason to worry. I was pretty close to a goody-two-shoes, and they STILL didn't give me the credit.

Life is better w/parents when you don't live under the same roof for longer than christmas break. Youall get along a LOT better.

Simple solution, from the college kid's perspective: go to military school or join ROTC and only show up at home for a couple of weeks in the summer. Your parents will love seeing you and all will be well... You'll graduate with a job and orders to some far corner of the country or the world. Your parents will have little say over what you do.... ('Course, that also means you're on your own.... You want to go home for Christmas? Hitch a ride or save for a plane ticket... You need a car? Buy one -- and pay for all the associated insurance, maintenance, etc...) Fact is, if you want complete independence, you'll have to become independent, and you may not be able to do that while you're still living at home...

OCG, I hear you on the kids needing a car to commute to school. But what if they're allowed to use it ONLY for school or work. It's your car, yes? You paid for it? They NEED it for school and work. They don't NEED it for social activities. Make them prove they can take care of it or take it away.

My oldest is home from college. It's an adjustment for everyone. He's used to being on his own. I'm not used to sharing my car.... But he's an adult, and a good kid (he'll always be a kid to me) so the rules are fairly simple: no illegal activities. Tell me where you will be and what you'll be doing. Tell me about what time you'll be home or if you're staying overnight somewhere. He doesn't like the party scene and doesn't drink, but if he were to get stupid and get drunk while he's got the car, or if the driver of the car he's riding in gets stupid and drunk, he's to call home for a ride. No questions asked, no rebukes, any time of the night, we will pick him up without a word said about it until we have a quiet discussion the next day to sort out what happened.

Um yep i can be guilty of being an enabler and of holding their hand too much something I"m clearly working on. I don't want them living with me when they're thirty. I guess that's what triggered the stress, worry that they'd never get out on their own. Other then the car issue they've always been made to bear their own consequences. But then other then the car they pretty much pay their own bills.
Like I said it's tough finding a middle ground here and every kid is different. My oldest is home for the summer before beginning an internship and other then some minor conflicts she's very independent and we leave her to her own stuff. She has friends whose parents are overly strict and critical and they never come home for the summer. If you are having problems that can't be solved do an internship or a summer semester at your school or abroad. I'd love to get each of my kids to do a semester over-seas somewhere.
So they divided up all the chores on their own, did them, committed to doing them over the summer, and did a bunch of basic maintenance on the car. And