Driving Guide for Visitors to Southern California

[ladyparrothead]

Usefull info for the out of town guests....How to drive in Southern CALIFORNIA

The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush hour
is from noon to 7:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday evening.

The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 85 mph. On the 105 or
110, your speed is expected to match the highway number. Anything less is
considered "Wussy."

Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. L. A. has its own version of
traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest muffler go first at a
four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires go second. However, in Malibu,
SUV-driving, cell phone-talking Moms ALWAYS have the right of way.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended, cussed out, and
possibly shot.

Never honk at anyone, EVER. Seriously. You will probably get you shot.

Road construction is permanent and continuous in all of L. A. and ORANGE COUNTIES
and RIVERSIDE COUNTIES. Detour barrels are moved around for your entertainment
pleasure during the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a bit more exciting.

Mapquest does not work here -- none of the roads are where they say they are or go
where they say they do and all the freeway off and on ramps are moved each night.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the shoulder immediately to
let them know it has been "accidentally activated."

If you are in the left lane and only driving 70 in a 55- 65 mph zone, you are considered
a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.

Do not try to estimate travel time -- just leave Monday afternoon for Tuesday
appointments, by noon Thursday for Friday and right after church on Sunday for
anything on Monday morning.

And finally, why is the L.A. Freeway called the? '405'?? Because no matter where
you are going, it takes 4 or 5 hours to get there.

[TropicalTroubador]

Of course, the minimum acceptable speed is only possible when it's not rush hour...

[bravedave]

The expressways have higher speed limits, multiple lanes and no traffic lights, which means the surface streets are always the faster route.

Turn signals are a sign of weakness, like a limping baby zebra; somebody's gonna get chomped, and you don't want to be anywhere nearby.

Parking is purely theoretical. The rules and strategies for parking in Los Angeles give Stephen Hawking a migraine. You could consider valet parking if your car was worth less than your shoes, but only those with expensive cars make use of valet parking. Which oddly leaves no parking left over for those with "mid-priced" ($50k - $90k) rides.

One helicopter overhead means traffic enforcement in the area. Just go faster; they can't catch all of you. Multiple helicopters overhead means photo opportunity. Check you hair and make-up in the mirror so you look good on the 5 o'clock news.

[Dutch Harbor PH]

???? Why is this in the Joke section ?????
This is all real....!

[ragtopW]

[nutmeg]

???? Why is this in the Joke section ?????
This is all real....!

Unfortunately it is true for most big cities. I know why I was born where I am. I cover my head and cower whenever there are more than 2 lanes in each direction. Just got back from DC Same for Cleveland and Chicago

[Dutch Harbor PH]

???? Why is this in the Joke section ?????
This is all real....!

Unfortunately it is true for most big cities. I know why I was born where I am. I cover my head and cower whenever there are more than 2 lanes in each direction. Just got back from DC Same for Cleveland and Chicago

Amen to that!!!!!