Purina Diet

britparrothead · Post by **britparrothead** » October 15, 2007 8:30 am

Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for Skippy the wonder dog at Wal-Mart and was about to check out.

A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
An evil impulse overcame me at the stupidity of the question, so I went her one better on the stupid scale and said that no I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.....although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that
it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog
food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish
Setter's butt and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard!

I'm not welcome at WAL-MART anymore!!!

TropicalTroubador · Post by **TropicalTroubador** » October 15, 2007 2:36 pm

I've always liked that one...

Once upon a time, Mad Magazine ran a feature titled, "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions." Some of them were priceless:

Cop finds man in bank vault jimmying open safe deposit boxes, and asks, "What are you up to?"

What the man says: "Um, don't shoot officer! I'll come along peacefully."

What he wants to say:

- "Number 3204...why?"

- "I'm up too late; if I'd gone to bed at 10, none of this would have ever happened."

unclejohn · Post by **unclejohn** » October 16, 2007 7:13 pm

IrishPirate · Post by **IrishPirate** » October 16, 2007 7:46 pm

ragtopW · Post by **ragtopW** » October 19, 2007 9:06 pm

TropicalTroubador wrote:I've always liked that one...

Once upon a time, Mad Magazine ran a feature titled, "Snappy Answers to Stupid Questions." Some of them were priceless:

Cop finds man in bank vault jimmying open safe deposit boxes, and asks, "What are you up to?"

What the man says: "Um, don't shoot officer! I'll come along peacefully."

What he wants to say:

- "Number 3204...why?"

- "I'm up too late; if I'd gone to bed at 10, none of this would have ever happened."

Remind me to tell you a funny..