A Man

[SMLCHNG]

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in
the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long
after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option.
I will win.
_______________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running
very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the
engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to
the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break
wind, as a form of holy communion.
___________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold,
I need someone to bring me soup and take
care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick
as I do, so for you, this is no problem.
_________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied
upon to purchase basic groceries at the store,
like milk or bread. I cannot be expected
to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
For all I know, these are the same thing..
_________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops working, I will insist on taking
it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.
_________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the
television remote control in my hand while
I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss a whole show looking for it,
though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator instead
(applies to engineers only)
_________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask
me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex,
sports or sex. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so just don't ask.
________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to
ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of
it, I didn't... and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards . . then I
will certainly at least remember the
name and recommend it to others.
__________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what you were wearing five
minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. It does not make your ass look
too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and
margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?
___________________________________________________________________
Because I'm a man, and this is, after all,
the year 2007, I will share equally in the
housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming,
and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
wandering around in the garden with a
beer, wondering what to do.
_______________________________________________________________

This has been a public service message for women to better understand men.

[ragtopW]

[Crazy Navy Flyer]

Someone has finally figured us out.

[Gooney Bird]

From "The Red Green Show;"

The Men's Anonymous Prayer

I'm a man, but I can change,
If I have to, I guess.

[redwinemaker]

Because I'm a man, when I lock my keys in
the car, I will fiddle with a coat hanger long
after hypothermia has set in.
Calling AAA is not an option.
I will win.

FALSE of course my wife works for AAA
_______________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when the car isn't running
very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the
engine as if I know what I'm looking at.
If another man shows up, one of us will say to
the other, "I used to be able to fix these things,
but now with all these computers and
everything, I wouldn't know where to start."
We will then drink a couple of beers and break
wind, as a form of holy communion.

TRUE but we never really did know how to fix it
___________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when I catch a cold,
I need someone to bring me soup and take
care of me while I lie in bed and moan.
You're a woman. You never get as sick
as I do, so for you, this is no problem.

HMMMMMM I wonder if that would work ... naw
_________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I can be relied
upon to purchase basic groceries at the store,
like milk or bread. I cannot be expected
to find exotic items like "cumin" or "tofu."
For all I know, these are the same thing..

FALSE Tell that to Wolfgang Puck She CAN shop, I just can't afford it

_________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, when one of our
appliances stops working, I will insist on taking
it apart, despite evidence that this will just cost
me twice as much once the repair person
gets here and has to put it back together.

FALSE Well it used to be true, but we CAN learn ya know
_________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I must hold the
television remote control in my hand while
I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced,
I may miss a whole show looking for it,
though one time I was able to survive by
holding a calculator instead
(applies to engineers only)

AHH SWEET MEMORIES OF WHEN I WAS KING ...
_________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, there is no need to ask
me what I'm thinking about.
The true answer is always either sex, cars, sex,
sports or sex. I have to make up something
else when you ask, so just don't ask.

TRUE Except you forgot fishing and baseball and um sex
________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, you don't have to
ask me if I liked the movie. Chances
are, if you're crying at the end of
it, I didn't... and if you are
feeling amorous afterwards . . then I
will certainly at least remember the
name and recommend it to others.

TRUE Now if there were explosions and/or a Walther PPK ...
__________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, I think what you're wearing
is fine. I thought what you were wearing five
minutes ago was fine, too. Either pair of
shoes is fine. With the belt or without it,
looks fine. It does not make your ass look
too big. It was the pasta and potatoes and
margaritas that did that. Your hair is fine.
You look fine. Can we just go now?

OH SO VERY TRUE
___________________________________________________________________

Because I'm a man, and this is, after all,
the year 2007, I will share equally in the
housework. You just do the laundry, the
cooking, the cleaning, the vacuuming,
and the dishes, and I'll do the rest. Like
wandering around in the garden with a
beer, wondering what to do.

HUH? Where is this planet and how do I get there ...