Job Description- any takers?

Tequila Revenge · Post by **Tequila Revenge** » January 15, 2008 1:19 pm

The cool thing here is my son sent this to me.

POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION :

Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an
often chaotic environment..
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION :

Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS :

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis,
letting them know they are appreciated
for the fabulous job they do....
or forward with love
to anyone thinking of applying for the job.
** AND A FOOTNOTE ?
THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents!

phjrsaunt · Post by **phjrsaunt** » January 15, 2008 1:22 pm

Ummm...thanks for asking, but I think I'll just stick to raising my puppy dogs!

OystersandBeer · Post by **OystersandBeer** » January 15, 2008 2:44 pm

I guess you've cleared it up for me as well. Sorry, mom(she wants grandkids).

Afternoon Golfer · Post by **Afternoon Golfer** » January 15, 2008 4:04 pm

I'm scheduled to start on June 10th!

PA PAR8 HED · Post by **PA PAR8 HED** » January 15, 2008 4:19 pm

Afternoon Golfer wrote:I'm scheduled to start on June 10th!

Congrats!!!

Tequila Revenge · Post by **Tequila Revenge** » January 15, 2008 8:07 pm

Afternoon Golfer wrote:I'm scheduled to start on June 10th!

CONGRATS!!!

As Jimmy sings, "...the pleasure is worth all the pain..."

bravedave · Post by **bravedave** » January 15, 2008 9:24 pm

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

Actually, if you ddo your job very well and enjoy a little good fortune, you may get upgraded to GRANDPARENT 1.01
This allows much greater flexibility in work hours as well as superior job management possiblities.

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE :

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

Actually, being a previous child offers a few insights into management of your designated charges.

Post by **SMLCHNG** » January 15, 2008 9:25 pm

Thanks, already have the job.

FunkHouse9 · Post by **FunkHouse9** » January 15, 2008 10:06 pm

I wish someone had told me this 7 months ago!

pojo · Post by **pojo** » January 15, 2008 10:33 pm

Afternoon Golfer wrote:I'm scheduled to start on June 10th!

good luck!!!

inked-parrotthead · Post by **inked-parrotthead** » January 16, 2008 6:52 am

Ive held tha position for over 11 years now!!! My advice dont apply!!!