Funniest things heard while on the course.

Joetown Parrothead · Post by **Joetown Parrothead** » June 6, 2008 12:27 pm

What are the funniest things you've heard people say about golf or while on the golf course.

I heard a guy in the clubhouse on mens night say, "I'm so bad I'm gonna have to re-grip my ball retriever"

Last year on a Sunday morning we were playing 1000 Hills in Branson the Marshall called Gilley to the First Tee and My group on deck for our 9:00 Tee time. We drove down to #1 and sure enough it was Mickey Gilley. He was nice and we all introduced ourselves.

As soon as Mickey's group tee'd off we all popped a Miller-Lite which prompted Gilley to comment with a smile "Boys its pretty early to pop a cold one on a Sunday morning isn't it?" We politely laughed and played behind them the rest of the morning.

On about the 15th green my buddy was standing over his putt and in a deadpan voice said: "Boys I'll never forget the last words Mickey Gilley ever said to me......Boys its pretty early to pop a cold one on a Sunday morning isn't it?"

citcat · Post by **citcat** » June 6, 2008 12:36 pm

"uh, dude......your golf cart is on fire"

Seriously. The hubby's golf cart caught fire on the ninth tee and burnt right there in front of everybody. All that was left was the metal. He hasn't golfed since. This was a couple of years ago and he still gets grief/jokes about it.

Then again, maybe that's not so funny.

Joetown Parrothead · Post by **Joetown Parrothead** » June 6, 2008 1:14 pm

A friend of mine e-mailed me this, the course he plays at Boarders a Mental Hospital.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting,'13....13....13' The fence was too high to see over,but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Some bastard poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » June 6, 2008 1:24 pm

"Gentlemen, if you do not leave immediately, we will have you arrested for tresspassing and destruction of private property"

Apparently, doing donuts on a wet green is frowned upon by some people. Personally, I think it's the only fun to be had on a golf course.

Skibo · Post by **Skibo** » June 6, 2008 1:38 pm

rednekkPH wrote:"Gentlemen, if you do not leave immediately, we will have you arrested for tresspassing and destruction of private property"

Apparently, doing donuts on a wet green is frowned upon by some people. Personally, I think it's the only fun to be had on a golf course.

This is true. Using the flag as a javelin is equally frowned upon.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » June 6, 2008 1:41 pm

Skibo wrote:
rednekkPH wrote:"Gentlemen, if you do not leave immediately, we will have you arrested for tresspassing and destruction of private property"

Apparently, doing donuts on a wet green is frowned upon by some people. Personally, I think it's the only fun to be had on a golf course.
This is true. Using the flag as a javelin is equally frowned upon.

Damn, wish I'd have thought of that during those 9 minutes that I was welcome on that course.

TommyBahama · Post by **TommyBahama** » June 6, 2008 4:32 pm

i was playing with a couple of buddies of mine...one of the holes was a shared green.....one of the guys hits his second shot...a couple of bounces into the whole...he's going nuts the other guy is congratulating him....i turn to him...said great shot...but one problem...thats our hole not that one!!

Joetown Parrothead · Post by **Joetown Parrothead** » June 6, 2008 4:40 pm

TommyBahama wrote:i was playing with a couple of buddies of mine...one of the holes was a shared green.....one of the guys hits his second shot...a couple of bounces into the whole...he's going nuts the other guy is congratulating him....i turn to him...said great shot...but one problem...thats our hole not that one!!

Thats so funny, tough lie playing it out of the cup!

chuck wagon · Post by **chuck wagon** » June 7, 2008 12:16 am

Still like Fuzzy Zoeller's reply when asked why he was using a new putter ... "'cause the last one didn't float"!!

SchoolGirlHeart · Post by **SchoolGirlHeart** » June 7, 2008 8:55 am

Circa 1973: Saturday morning golf. The foursome takes one cart, one caddy. They never ask the caddy's name; just a caddy after all. They do their normal "relieve themselves in the woods" thing way out on the 14th where there are no houses around. Coming down the 18th one of them finally asks the caddy's name....

"Jennifer," I answer.

The look on his face was priceless as he howled, 'Holy sh*t! You're a girl?? Did you guys know we had a girl for a caddy??"

The look on the other three faces was pretty good, too. And I heard the stories in the clubhouse that day were hilarious.

Hey, I was 12, wearing a baggy shirt, and the "SHA-BOOBIE" fairy had not yet visited.

Fuzzy Zoeller's caddy taught me to caddy.

The guy who was so shocked that day ended up being like an uncle to me, and helped me get into college.

Joetown Parrothead · Post by **Joetown Parrothead** » June 8, 2008 9:35 pm

A husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples' alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards down the middle of the fairway.

Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife "Just hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be fine." The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.

Undaunted, the husband said "That's OK, Sweetheart" and spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. He found it just in time, but in a horrible position. He played the shot of his life to get the ball within two feet of the hole. He told his wife to knock the ball in. His wife then proceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker. Still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of his skill and holed the shot from the bunker.

He took the ball out of the cup and while walking off the green, put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey, and that's OK, but I think we can do better on the next hole."

To which she replied: "Listen a**hole, don't b**** at me, ONLY 2 of those 5 shots were mine.

conched · Post by **conched** » June 8, 2008 9:45 pm

SchoolGirlHeart wrote:Circa 1973: Saturday morning golf. The foursome takes one cart, one caddy. They never ask the caddy's name; just a caddy after all. They do their normal "relieve themselves in the woods" thing way out on the 14th where there are no houses around. Coming down the 18th one of them finally asks the caddy's name....

"Jennifer," I answer.

The look on his face was priceless as he howled, 'Holy sh*t! You're a girl?? Did you guys know we had a girl for a caddy??"

The look on the other three faces was pretty good, too. And I heard the stories in the clubhouse that day were hilarious.

Hey, I was 12, wearing a baggy shirt, and the "SHA-BOOBIE" fairy had not yet visited.

Fuzzy Zoeller's caddy taught me to caddy.

The guy who was so shocked that day ended up being like an uncle to me, and helped me get into college.

Love your story, Jen!

popcornjack · Post by **popcornjack** » June 8, 2008 9:49 pm

When asked what he does if a thunderstorm happens to come up while on the course, Fuzzy Zoeller said that he holds a one-iron over his head. When asked why, he replied:

Because not even God can hit a one-iron.

diverg · Post by **diverg** » June 8, 2008 10:07 pm

I was at he golf course one day watching some friends and relatives golf. My relative's boss was slicing the ball after ball about 45 degrees to the left. I told him he should turn his body 45 degrees to the right and he should be able to hit the greens. Does that count as a funny?