Sail on George Carlin

[Bubbaphan]

Sail on Mr. Carlin.
You were one of the smartest and funniest people on this planet.

[ParrotHeadPaz]

I will miss his shows a lot. The only artist I have seen more than Jimmy.


Sail on Hippy Dippy Weather Man!!!

[AdamBomb8]

Sail on George

[AdamBomb8]

Some George Carlin Quotes:


Always do whatever's next.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.

Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.


Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.


I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.

I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.


I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for their final exam.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.

I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.

I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.

If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter.

If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.

If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

In comic strips, the person on the right always speaks first.

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.

One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.

Religion is just mind control.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that.

Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

The status quo sucks.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

There's no present. There's only the immediate future and the recent past.

Think off-center.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?

When someone is impatient and says, "I haven't got all day," I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?

When Thomas Edison worked late into the night on the electric light, he had to do it by gas lamp or candle. I'm sure it made the work seem that much more urgent.

When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.

When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.

[nutmeg]

Thanks for those quotes! He sure had some of the very best lines!

I was trying to pick a favorite from those above but there are wayyy to many good ones.


Sail on George and thanks for the insight!

[ph4ever]

damn

sail on funny one..........

[Harbour Shark]

Very sad. He made me laugh like few comedians could, and he will be missed.

[dnw]

Sail on, George.

[jayparrot46]

sail on george

[BottleofRum]

"Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?"-George Carlin

[SharkOnLand]

Wow. One of the greats. I'm glad I paid to see him live. The only "big" comic I've ever seen live, and it was worth it.

Sail on, George.

[buffettbride]

Sail on, George.

Because of you, I could swear like a sailor by the time I was 8 years old (and still do), thanks to my parents leaving the Class Clown LP available for young-child consumption.

[ejr]

There are few comics whose style is totally unique--George certainly was unique and I will miss his take on the world. I especially loved his routine discussing how baseball and football differ.

[springparrot]

Sail on George..............I'll never forget the Hippy Dippy Weatherman..........

[Capt.Flock]

sail on George

[Hoosier PH]

He was one of my favorite comedians. One of my favrite routines is when he speaks about euphemisms.

'Older' sounds a little better than 'old,' doesn't it?," "Sounds like it might even last a little longer. ... I'm getting old. And it's OK. Because thanks to our fear of death in this country I won't have to die - I'll 'pass away.' Or I'll 'expire,' like a magazine subscription. If it happens in the hospital they'll call it a 'terminal episode.' The insurance company will refer to it as 'negative patient care outcome.' And if it's the result of malpractice they'll say it was a 'therapeutic misadventure.'"

[parrothead3282]

I really don't know what to say! I can remeber as a kid late at night watching George on showtime or HBO with the volume turned way down so my parents couldn't hear. Loved every second of his routines!

You will be missed! Sail on!

[popcornjack]

I had the opportunity to see him in a small club in LA the week he was going to do an HBO special, so he was using this run of shows as a warm-up. It was a rare and exciting opportunity to see one of my comic idols in such a small setting.

Sail on....

[unclejohn]

Sail On George...

[VanillaGrl]

Sail on, George...