Kids and Phones

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 22, 2008 1:30 pm

How young is too young for a cell phone?

My kiddo is 11 and a middle schooler (and at a MUCH bigger school than she's used to). There's a lot more flexibility in her day than there ever was before. I think it would be nice for her to keep in touch, or at least be able to, if needed. I figure a basic phone with uberrestrictions on it to start wouldn't be a bad idea, especially to teach responsible phone usage.

Part of me still thinks (and hubby definitely thinks) 11 is still too young. But I think even more than she wants a phone, I want her to have one.

Since we have to switch phones and plans in the next few months anyway, it would be a good time to add her on to the plan as well.

Anyway, how young is too young? (I basically think in this situation that I get to pull the "Mom Trump Card" and get my way)

blackjack · Post by **blackjack** » August 22, 2008 1:33 pm

My niece is 13 and has a cell phone and a few girls from school are using it to "cyberbully" her.

I would say 15 is appropriate.

pair8head · Post by **pair8head** » August 22, 2008 1:34 pm

Having met Victoria and seen what a great kid she is, I don't see a problem here Mal.

aeroparrot · Post by **aeroparrot** » August 22, 2008 1:37 pm

If I had a child, I would wait until they reached high school before I would consider getting one for them.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » August 22, 2008 1:37 pm

blackjack wrote:My niece is 13 and has a cell phone and a few girls from school are using it to "cyberbully" her.

Buy her a baseball bat and teach her how to "real life bully" them. Technology is great, but some things are still best done the old fashioned way.

pbans · Post by **pbans** » August 22, 2008 1:38 pm

With everything that goes on in schools today, I would not feel good sending a kid in jr high or high school off without a phone.

Caitlin has had one since she was 12......which is middle school age, here.

I like that I can drop her a text during the day that she can read at lunch if a schedule or something changes.

I like that if some crazed lunatic comes in to her school, she can dial 911 and then me.

I like that she has NO excuse not to let me know if her plans change or she's going to be late.......

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 22, 2008 1:38 pm

blackjack wrote:My niece is 13 and has a cell phone and a few girls from school are using it to "cyberbully" her.

I would say 15 is appropriate.

yeah, that's one of my biggest worries. although she generally makes good decisions, she is still a kid. her cell phone number in the wrong hands could make things quite difficult. girls can be so mean.

i'd really only want her to have to to be able to call her parents, grandparents, and emergency numbers and not to be used w/ friends.

i can just see her and a friend sharing cell phone numbers. it would be great for a while, but then there's a falling out, and bad things happen.

conversely (and worse), one of the school shootings out here not too long ago, the last thing a parent heard from their daughter was "i love u guys" in a text message from her phone. god forbid that happen, but i would treasure that message forever.

KeetAtHeart · Post by **KeetAtHeart** » August 22, 2008 1:39 pm

I think it depends on the kid and her needs. My kids both got cell phones when they started doing things independently (walking to the library or whatever), at 11 and 12. That seems to be about the average age around here (northern California). Some kids abuse their cell phone privileges, but so far, mine don't. I feel a lot safer knowing my kids can contact me when they need to.

What exactly is your husband concerned about? I keep an eye on the number of minutes and text messages, and my kids keep their phones on the chargers in the kitchen at night (no late night sneaky phone calls).

You can always try it for a little while and if it turns out to be a problem, you can turn it off.

Good luck deciding!

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 22, 2008 1:39 pm

rednekkPH wrote:
blackjack wrote:My niece is 13 and has a cell phone and a few girls from school are using it to "cyberbully" her.
Buy her a baseball bat and teach her how to "real life bully" them. Technology is great, but some things are still best done the old fashioned way.

Matt is also helping Victoria in that department.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 22, 2008 1:41 pm

aeroparrot wrote:If I had a child, I would wait until they reached high school before I would consider getting one for them.

If her school was just a middle school, I'd feel the same. She goes to a 6-12 school, so my little 11 year old goes to school with 18 year olds. She's practically a year younger than most of her 6 grade peers anyway.

If it was just grades 6/7/8, I don't think I'd be sold on the idea that she needs a phone at all.

KeetAtHeart · Post by **KeetAtHeart** » August 22, 2008 1:42 pm

buffettbride wrote:
blackjack wrote:My niece is 13 and has a cell phone and a few girls from school are using it to "cyberbully" her.

I would say 15 is appropriate.
yeah, that's one of my biggest worries. although she generally makes good decisions, she is still a kid. her cell phone number in the wrong hands could make things quite difficult. girls can be so mean.

i'd really only want her to have to to be able to call her parents, grandparents, and emergency numbers and not to be used w/ friends.

i can just see her and a friend sharing cell phone numbers. it would be great for a while, but then there's a falling out, and bad things happen.

conversely (and worse), one of the school shootings out here not too long ago, the last thing a parent heard from their daughter was "i love u guys" in a text message from her phone. god forbid that happen, but i would treasure that message forever.

Can't you block numbers/text messages from specific numbers? I haven't had a need to do that, but it seems like it should be possible.

Sad to say, there are lots of ways to bully somebody - if your daughter didn't have a cell phone, then I'm sure the bullies would find another way.

Bottom line for me is, if she has a legitimate need for a cell phone, then get it. If she just wants it to play with her friends, then wait.

blackjack · Post by **blackjack** » August 22, 2008 1:42 pm

buffettbride wrote:
rednekkPH wrote:
blackjack wrote:My niece is 13 and has a cell phone and a few girls from school are using it to "cyberbully" her.
Buy her a baseball bat and teach her how to "real life bully" them. Technology is great, but some things are still best done the old fashioned way.
Matt is also helping Victoria in that department.

Hmmmm, my niece is one of the stars on her softball team so she does know how to swing a bat...

pbans · Post by **pbans** » August 22, 2008 1:42 pm

buffettbride wrote:
rednekkPH wrote:
blackjack wrote:My niece is 13 and has a cell phone and a few girls from school are using it to "cyberbully" her.
Buy her a baseball bat and teach her how to "real life bully" them. Technology is great, but some things are still best done the old fashioned way.
Matt is also helping Victoria in that department.

That's funny.... Caitlin asked me the other day to teach her how to fight....just in case.

As for the bullying thing.....phones have a delete button, too.
Caitlin has learned that some people aren't worth her time and she just deletes the text messages without reading them.

One thing that has been going on in the schools around here is "NOODZ"....the kids are sending naked pictures of each other through text messages......it's been an interesting debate on what to do with the situation.

SharkOnLand · Post by **SharkOnLand** » August 22, 2008 1:42 pm

My oldest is 10 and wants one, there are quite a few kids at his school with them.

Maybe when I consider him old enough to stay home by himself, a couple years maybe, I'll get him one of those pay as you go phones, you can get them really cheap (less than $20) and you only have to put $20 worth of minutes on it every 2 months to keep it activated.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 22, 2008 1:43 pm

KeetAtHeart wrote:
What exactly is your husband concerned about?

Hubby's primary point is that we did just fine w/out phones in middle school, so she'll be fine, too. He's not even sold on the fact that she'll need one when she starts driving (which is simply ridiculous in my mind).

Hubby wants to have supreme control of what the phone can and can't do and what she does with it, and until there is a phone that is to his precise specifications, it is a no-go.

He's also kinda cheap.

AlbatrossFlyer · Post by **AlbatrossFlyer** » August 22, 2008 1:45 pm

how old were you when you got your first cell phone? i'm guessing you got through school just fine without one.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 22, 2008 1:45 pm

KeetAtHeart wrote:
buffettbride wrote:
blackjack wrote:My niece is 13 and has a cell phone and a few girls from school are using it to "cyberbully" her.

I would say 15 is appropriate.
yeah, that's one of my biggest worries. although she generally makes good decisions, she is still a kid. her cell phone number in the wrong hands could make things quite difficult. girls can be so mean.

i'd really only want her to have to to be able to call her parents, grandparents, and emergency numbers and not to be used w/ friends.

i can just see her and a friend sharing cell phone numbers. it would be great for a while, but then there's a falling out, and bad things happen.

conversely (and worse), one of the school shootings out here not too long ago, the last thing a parent heard from their daughter was "i love u guys" in a text message from her phone. god forbid that happen, but i would treasure that message forever.
Can't you block numbers/text messages from specific numbers? I haven't had a need to do that, but it seems like it should be possible.

Sad to say, there are lots of ways to bully somebody - if your daughter didn't have a cell phone, then I'm sure the bullies would find another way.

Bottom line for me is, if she has a legitimate need for a cell phone, then get it. If she just wants it to play with her friends, then wait.

I know there is a certain coolness factor to why she wants the phone, no doubt about it. But after her first week at her new school, I see a real need for one.

I haven't read too much up on what a phone means when it has "parental controls" so that is my next step.

This might fall into one of those "unapproved purchases" from the previous threads.

rednekkPH · Post by **rednekkPH** » August 22, 2008 1:46 pm

AlbatrossFlyer wrote:how old were you when you got your first cell phone? i'm guessing you got through school just fine without one.

Mal had her own telegraph machine when she went to school.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 22, 2008 1:48 pm

pbans wrote: One thing that has been going on in the schools around here is "NOODZ"....the kids are sending naked pictures of each other through text messages......it's been an interesting debate on what to do with the situation.

The school Matt's cousin goes to had a big drama w/ that last year I think. we've pretty much told her that if she wouldn't want to hear it on the school announcements every day, then it doesn't belong in a text message.

buffettbride · Post by **buffettbride** » August 22, 2008 1:49 pm

AlbatrossFlyer wrote:how old were you when you got your first cell phone? i'm guessing you got through school just fine without one.

I got all the way to 30 years old without one.