40 rules men wish women knew
Posted: September 26, 2008 8:49 pm
DISCLAIMER:
This is posted in the JOKES section. That's because they're JOKES.
And they're FUNNY. It's okay to laugh.
If I can laugh at "Garry Junior" down there, you can laugh at these JOKES.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat a$$ in a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up PUT THE G.D. THING DOWN!
3. DON'T cut your hair. EVER! It causes arguments when we comment on it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Anyone can buy condoms.
8. Don't ask us to watch Oprah with you. Ever.
9. On Super Bowl Sunday, please feel free to take my credit cards and go to the mall. And stay there until the game is over.
If the mall closes before the game ends, wait at the bus stop.
10. Sunday = Football/baseball/hockey/Any other sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. As a matter of fact, I DO like the wings, thighs, and breasts at HOOTERS.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your sister is an idiot, your girlfriends are all twats and your ex-boyfriend probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, p.i.s.s.i.n.g standing up is more difficult than p.i.s.s.i.n.g from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most men own two or three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, that would look good with your dress?
21. Yes, No, and Mmm are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Now.
23. Your mother doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
26. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
29. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
30. The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all gay. Face it.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say DURING THE COMMERCIALS. (Unless it's a commercial for Victoria's Secret-in which case, please keep quiet).
34. Consider sports a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets, chest level logoed t-shirts etc. etc. lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
37. If you want some dessert after a meal - ORDER SOME. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
38. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
39. If you're on a diet, it doesn't mean MY meals should be rabbit-food nouvelle-cuisine style. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and more cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.
40. Do not question our sense of direction.
This is posted in the JOKES section. That's because they're JOKES.
And they're FUNNY. It's okay to laugh.
If I can laugh at "Garry Junior" down there, you can laugh at these JOKES.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
1. If you think you might be fat, you are. Don't ask us. Just get your fat a$$ in a gym.
2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up PUT THE G.D. THING DOWN!
3. DON'T cut your hair. EVER! It causes arguments when we comment on it.
4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present.......again!
5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
6. Sometimes we're not thinking about you. Live with it.
7. Anyone can buy condoms.
8. Don't ask us to watch Oprah with you. Ever.
9. On Super Bowl Sunday, please feel free to take my credit cards and go to the mall. And stay there until the game is over.
If the mall closes before the game ends, wait at the bus stop.
10. Sunday = Football/baseball/hockey/Any other sport. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
11. As a matter of fact, I DO like the wings, thighs, and breasts at HOOTERS.
12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
13. You have enough clothes.
14. You have too many shoes.
15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
16. Your sister is an idiot, your girlfriends are all twats and your ex-boyfriend probably is too.
17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
18. No, we don't know what day it is. We never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
19. Yes, p.i.s.s.i.n.g standing up is more difficult than p.i.s.s.i.n.g from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
20. Most men own two or three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, that would look good with your dress?
21. Yes, No, and Mmm are perfectly acceptable answers.
22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. Now.
23. Your mother doesn't have to be our best friend.
24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
25. Check your oil. It is an essential part of the car.
26. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
28. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
29. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
30. The male models with the great bodies you see in magazines are all gay. Face it.
31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say DURING THE COMMERCIALS. (Unless it's a commercial for Victoria's Secret-in which case, please keep quiet).
34. Consider sports a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
35. Women wearing Wonderbras, low-cut blouses, tight tops, no jackets, chest level logoed t-shirts etc. etc. lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. When we are in bed and look tired this means that we are tired and does not mean that we want to discuss the relationship.
37. If you want some dessert after a meal - ORDER SOME. You don't have to finish it. You can just taste it if you like but don't say "No, I couldn't/shouldn't/don't want any" and then eat half of mine.
38. Dieting doesn't work without exercise.
39. If you're on a diet, it doesn't mean MY meals should be rabbit-food nouvelle-cuisine style. A man's four essential food groups are: white meat, red meat, cold beer and more cold beer. Please ensure all meals contain a good balance of the above in good quantities - everything else falls under the category 'garnish'.
40. Do not question our sense of direction.
![[smilie=noeyedear-shrugging.gif]](./images/smilies/noeyedear-shrugging.gif "noeyedear-shrugging"){kind=small}
![[smilie=battingeyes.gif]](./images/smilies/battingeyes.gif "battingeyes"){kind=small}