For All The Pet Lovers Out There!!

[PerfectPartner]

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and
> contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
> Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake
> a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that
> aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
>
> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
> Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help
> because I fall faster than you can run.
>
> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
> about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to
> ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a
> ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to
> each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know
> that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the
> other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
>
> For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
> some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
> not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
> paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit
> through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
> for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
>
> The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the
> other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.
>
> Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message
> on the front door:
>
> TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:
> (1) They live here. You don't.
> (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
> furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
> (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
> (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters
> who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
>
> Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
> (1) eat less
> (2) don't ask for money all the time
> (3) are easier to train
> (4) normally come when called
> (5) never ask to drive the car
> (6) don't hang out with drug-using people
> (7) don't smoke or drink
> (8) don't want to wear your clothes
> (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions
> (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college
> and best of all...
> (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children
>
> >
> >
>
> The Happy Dog's Bedtime Prayer
>
>
> Now I lay me down to sleep,
> The queen-size bed is soft and deep.
> I sleep right in the center groove
> My human being can hardly move!
> I've trapped her legs,
> she's tucked in tight,
> And here is where I pass the night.
> No one disturbs me or dares intrude
> Till morning comes and I want food!
> I sneak up slowly and it begins
> My nibbles on my human's chin..
> She wakes up slowly and smiles and shouts, "You darling beast! Just cut
> it
> out!"
>

[Conolulu]

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

LMAO at this part!

The bottom of every bathroom door I've had is ruined from furbabies scratching it trying to get in before I go out the secret exit...

[PerfectPartner]

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

LMAO at this part!

The bottom of every bathroom door I've had is ruined from furbabies scratching it trying to get in before I go out the secret exit...

Oh I know!! My bedroom door is all scratched up from my "pack". I have 6 Chihuahuas and they all think they have to be where I am all the time!! Crazy dogs! I love 'em though. And our momma cat thinks she has to follow me everywhere when she's in the house too.

[PerfectPartner]

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by
some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom
for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

LMAO at this part!

The bottom of every bathroom door I've had is ruined from furbabies scratching it trying to get in before I go out the secret exit...

Oh I know!! My bedroom door is all scratched up from my "pack". I have 6 Chihuahuas and they all think they have to be where I am all the time!! Crazy dogs! I love 'em though. And our momma cat thinks she has to follow me everywhere when she's in the house too.