An open letter to boys and girls going to Chicago & Alpine

[Wino you know]

THIS IS TO ALL THE BOYS AND GIRLS GOING TO THE CONCERTS IN CHICAGO THIS WEEKEND AND ALPINE VALLEY LATER THIS MONTH.
THE PEOPLE I KNOW AND TAILGATE WITH KNOW ME, AND, AS SUCH, THIS MESSAGE DOES NOT APPLY TO THEM.
IT'S FOR ALL THE 20-SOMETHING MACHO WANNABES AND AIRHEADS WHO SEEM TO THINK I'M OBLIGATED TO GIVE THEM ONE OF THE MANY STRANDS OF BEADS I ALWAYS WEAR AT CONCERTS JUST BECAUSE THEY DO ME THE HONOR OF ASKING FOR AND/OR DEMANDING THEM.
PLEASE READ & HEED, AND WE'LL ALL HAVE A BETTER DAY.
=================================================================
GALS:
The beads you see me wearing are MY BEADS.
Each and every one of them was given to me by a person who was very special to me and is no longer with us, and, therefore, have an even greater sentimental value.
I'm not going to go into any more detail than that, because, honestly, I don't think you're at the point in your lives yet where you're over yourselves enough to understand. (After all, it IS all about YOU, right)?
So don't bother flashing me and THEN demanding a particular strand of beads, because you'll be disappointed, and I'll be p*ssed off.
Just go away and pass out somewhere from drinking too much Orange flavored Zima like you always do, or just go off with the rest of your lady friends and talk about how much "Cheeseburger In Paradise" is your favorite song, and how you always thought "Spider John" was the name of a cartoon character from your parent's era.
Bottom line-YOU'RE NOT GETTING ANY BEADS FROM ME!
Even if you did, for what they mean to me, trust me, you'll be doing more than just SHOWING me your tits.

If the above message is too difficult for you to comprehend, please feel free to print it off and take it to your local 7-Eleven Store, where I'm sure an interpreter will be provided for you to help you read and understand it.
___________________________________________________________________________

GUYS:
You're GUYS.
Don't even waste your f'ing time.
And don't come at me with your macho crap thinking you'll get some beads for the airhead with you who apparently can't do any better than you.
I'm 57 years old and a combat veteran. You WON'T impress me. You may impress Ms. Airhead, but you won't impress me.
Again-don't waste your f'ing time.
As with the gals, I'm sure you know where the 7-Eleven Stores are also.

Thank you, and I hope you enjoy the concert.
(Which you probably will if you're not passed out by the time "HOT HOT HOT" is being played).

[Bicycle Bill]

Wino, do you really think for one minute that those people are on this board, let alone reading your message?
But if venting makes you feel better, go for it!
And if I see you, you can maybe tell me a couple of the stories behind the beads over a cold one.

-"BB"-

[HD18JBGuy]

Anger issues? Resentment towards people in their youth?

With all due respect, you sure seem like a nice guy. I doubt any of the people you mention in your post are going to read your post, much less be forum members.

None the less, I will be at both shows and will be sure to tell my 20 and 30 something friends to avoid the crazy guy with lots of beads. He might eat you.

And that's too bad, because we go with lots of hot little chickities who flash their hooters for free...they don't even need or want the beads.

[johnson2113]

Wino you're awesome! A parrothead Chris LeDoux.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7uBAiyxmag8

[miphinz]

Easy there tough guy its gonna be OK.

[citcat]

gah. Somebody really made you mad. Just do what I do: leave your special beads at home, hanging somewhere nice. The KY jelly beads that I make and give out to one person a year, they have my permission to pass them on.

[ragtopW]

Point them to Santa.. (the girl types)
I need to get rid of a bunch!!!!!!

[lime rickie]

gah. Somebody really made you mad. Just do what I do: leave your special beads at home, hanging somewhere nice. The KY jelly beads that I make and give out to one person a year, they have my permission to pass them on.

KY Jelly beads?

[ragtopW]

gah. Somebody really made you mad. Just do what I do: leave your special beads at home, hanging somewhere nice. The KY jelly beads that I make and give out to one person a year, they have my permission to pass them on.

KY Jelly beads?

you had to be there..

[Seas in my veins]

gah. Somebody really made you mad. Just do what I do: leave your special beads at home, hanging somewhere nice. The KY jelly beads that I make and give out to one person a year, they have my permission to pass them on.

KY Jelly beads?

you had to be there..

That little bottle comes in handy in tight situations

[citcat]

gah. Somebody really made you mad. Just do what I do: leave your special beads at home, hanging somewhere nice. The KY jelly beads that I make and give out to one person a year, they have my permission to pass them on.

KY Jelly beads?

you had to be there..

That little bottle comes in handy in tight situations

Oh no, you DIH-UNT !!!!

[popcornjack]

gah. Somebody really made you mad. Just do what I do: leave your special beads at home, hanging somewhere nice. The KY jelly beads that I make and give out to one person a year, they have my permission to pass them on.

KY Jelly beads?

you had to be there..

That little bottle comes in handy in tight situations

Oh no, you DIH-UNT !!!!

no it doesn't. the damn bottle's empty.

[NZParrothead58]

Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on...enjoy the show!

[ph4ever]

gah. Somebody really made you mad. Just do what I do: leave your special beads at home, hanging somewhere nice. The KY jelly beads that I make and give out to one person a year, they have my permission to pass them on.

That's what I do too - the special ones always get left at home. I usually end up with a pair or two to add to the special pile at each show.

[allucaneatbuffett]

Hmmmmm. I read that post and can't quite figure out what is the reasoning behind it. There is nothing "normal" about that post. You must have had a bad experience at a show with people assaulting you and stealing your beads or something.

If it makes you feel better, I will bring you a box of extra one's. I don't want you to be so stressed out at the show.

Strange. Very Strange.

[rich_big]

I thought the post was funny as hell.

And sounds like he is speaking from experience.

[ScarletB]

Might want to change it from "Grumpy Old Men Tour" to this......

[Finnsaremorefun]

Well Mr. 57 Year Old. Last year at Alpine upon leaving, I had a drunk 57 year old year come out of nowhere and jump into my Grand Cherokee...thinking he was going to take a little detour to our hotel. After hearing his lifestory and a little coaxing, we managed to dump the fool and continue on our way. I'm 22, a boy in your book, but certainly appeared a bit more mature than what was sitting behind me. Meanwhile, good luck on bead patrol.

[nutmeg]

Garry, may I make a suggestion?

Take a bunch of cheap beads and put them in your pocket. Then pass those out instead of your special ones. A brief explanation that the ones around your neck are special to you should suffice.

[pojo]

Garry,

I've had bad JB concert experiences before... breathe in, breathe out, move on.

See you at Alpine.