Viva La France!

[SeattleParrotHead]

France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from those drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes."
Mark Twain
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"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me."
General George S. Patton
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"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion."
Norman Schwarzkopf
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"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it."
Marge Simpson
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"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure."
Jacques Chirac, President of France
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"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee."
Regis Philbin
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"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it."
Un-named U.S. Senator
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"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag."
David Letterman
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"Only thing worse than a Frenchman is a Frenchman who lives in Canada ."
Ted Nugent
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"War without France would be like World War II."
Unknown
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"The favorite bumper sticker in Washington D.C. right now is one that says 'First Iraq , then France '.''
Tom Brokaw
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"What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?"
Dennis Miller
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"It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us."
Alan Kent
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"They've taken their own precautions against al-Qa'ida. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house."
Argus Hamilton
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"Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day. The description was, 'Never fired. Dropped once'.''
Rep. Roy Blunt, MO
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"The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq ."
Dennis Miller
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Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII?
A. Table for 100,000 m'sieur?
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"Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris ? It's not known, it's never been tried."
Rep. R. Blount, MO
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"Do you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining!"
John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv
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French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney
(AP), Paris , March 5, 2003
The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney. The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, which caused soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists.

[jayparrot46]

that last one was funny

[big john]

This is one I heard while working in Germany.
Q: Why do the streets in Paris have so many trees?
A: The German army likes to march in the shade.