Mindbender #657

[SMLCHNG]

Some experts claim you can boost sales by more than 35% by putting this on the package...

[bodypainter]

NOW in a larger size!

[dnw]

made in America

[LIPH]

Hooters girls

[CaptainP]

A guarantee:

Tommy Boy: Let's think about this for a sec, Ted. Why would somebody put a guarantee on a box? Hmmm, very interesting.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Go on, I'm listening.
Tommy: Here's the way I see it, Ted. Guy puts a fancy guarantee on a box 'cause he wants you to feel all warm and toasty inside.
Ted Nelson, Customer: Yeah, makes a man feel good.
Tommy: 'Course it does. Why shouldn't it? Ya figure you put that little box under your pillow at night, the Guarantee Fairy might come by and leave a quarter, am I right, Ted?
[chuckles until he sees that Ted is not laughing]
Ted Nelson, Customer: [impatiently] What's your point?
Tommy: The point is, how do you know the fairy isn't a crazy glue sniffer? "Building model airplanes" says the little fairy; well, we're not buying it. He sneaks into your house once, that's all it takes. The next thing you know, there's money missing off the dresser, and your daughter's knocked up. I seen it a hundred times.
Ted Nelson, Customer: But why do they put a guarantee on the box?
Tommy: Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of s***. That's all it is, isn't it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer's sake, for your daughter's sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me.
Ted Nelson, Customer: [pause] Okay, I'll buy from you.
Tommy: Well, that's...
Tommy, Richard Hayden: ...What?

[ejr]

Organic

Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval

New and Improved

[alaura1974]

Boobies!!!! Isn't that always the right answer???

[alaura1974]

But seriously..... are we talking about food, or any item in a package?

[dnw]

x% more for the same price

[tigzoe]

NOT made in China.

[LIPH]

new and improved

[Saltx3]

a sports figure

[Wino you know]

Lite/Low Fat/Reduced Fat?

[bodypainter]

An actual price tag(placed so poor eyesight can find it.)

[SMLCHNG]

But seriously..... are we talking about food, or any item in a package?

It's not specific to food, I believe.

[surfpirate]

a sports figure

Like Chi Chi Tosgeezus?

[lime rickie]

A website

[lime rickie]

A coupon

[ejr]

money back guarantee

[CaptainP]

bacon