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It is a great piece but it is not George Carlin.

http://www.snopes.com/index.htm

A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!" The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use that kind of language in the Lord's House. The man said,...

Bob and Mary Smith were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Ball. Mary had a terrible headache the night of the party, and told Bob to go without her. Bob, a devoted husband, protested, but Mary argued, saying she was going to take two aspirin and go to bed. There was no need for her husband to mis...

A woman, calling Mount Sinai Hospital, said, "Hello, darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I want to know if the patient is getting better, or doing like expected, or is getting worse. The voice on the other end of the line said, "What...

Why are murder misterys on the Washington State University campus never solved?


Because the DNA is all the same and there are no Dental records.

What I Want In A Man, Original List ... (at age 22) ------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially Successful 4. A Caring Listener 5. Witty 6. In Good Shape 7. Dresses with Style 8. Appreciates the Finer Things 9. Full of Thoughtful S...

Once upon a time the government had a vast scrap yard in the middle of a desert. Congress said someone may steal from it at night, so they created a night watchman position (GS-4) and hired a person for the job. Then Congress said, "How does the watchman do his job without instruction?" So...

George went on a vacation to the Middle East with his Family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation in Jerusalem George's Mother-in-law died. With the death certificate in his hand, George went to the American Consulate Office to make arrangements to send the body back to the United Stat...

There's nothing worse than a snotty doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. I Know you all have experienced this, and here's the way one old guy handled it. An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the...

This guy was lonely and so he decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, f...

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why
the human race has not achieved its full potential,
that word would be "meetings."

I have had this one posted over my work bench at work for a long time now.

Those are great. Another Dave Berry line (My personal fav)
"If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potentiol, that word would be
"meetings.""

It has been studied and determined that the most often used sexual
position for Married couples is the Doggie position. The husband sits up
and begs.......................
While the wife rolls over and plays dead..................!

Does it bother anyone else that the author of this thread hasn't been heard from since April 29th?

I don't know weather you are crule or a comedian.
I rather suspect you are a crule comedian.
Either way I have to say WELL DONE.

A biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil. He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a coupl...

I got several in 96 from The Brick tavern in Roslyn Wa. That was the tavern that was in the TV show Northern Exposure. I will look around to see if I have any left but don't hold your breath. I will also call up there and see if they have any hanging around still. OK double post........ How do you k...

I got several in 96 from The Brick tavern in Roslyn Wa. That was the tavern that was in the TV show Northern Exposure. I will look around to see if I have any left but don't hold your breath. I will also call up there and see if they have any hanging around still.

I rather enjoyed that. And I agree if you can't apreciate the humor, please don't try to ruin it for those of us who can.

An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he's feeling and the 86-year-old says, "I've never Felt better. I have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?" The doctor considers his question for a minute and ...