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An older lady gets pulled over for speeding... Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. Officer: Don't have one? Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ag...

1. Put on your glasses. Double check that your partner is actually in bed with you. 2. Set timer for 2 minutes, just in case you doze off in the middle. 3. Set the mood with lighting. Turn them ALL OFF! 4. Make sure you put 911 on your speed dial before you begin. 5. Write partner's name on your ha...

A chicken farmer went to a local bar. He sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne. The woman perks up and says, "How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too! "What a coincidence," the farmer says, "This is a special day for me, I'm celebrating. "Thi...

"In what aisle could I find the Polish sausage?" The clerk looks at him and says, "Are you Polish?" The guy (clearly offended) says, "Well, yes I am. But let me ask you something. If I had asked for Italian sausage would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for Ge...

A husband and wife go off to bed. As soon as they settle down, the Man leans over and whispers softly "hey snuggle boopy boops, your little hubby wubby isn't quite ready for nite-nit yet." The wife takes the hint and says "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first." So off she go...

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table, and he looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?" Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looked into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my porr...

Last time we went it was my husbands birthday. We were a large group, my 2 sons, & many friends etc. Good time had by all. At the end of the evening the server asked whos birthday it was, told her it was husbands, so she goes away and comes back with a fantastic Hawaiian shirt.... for ME :lol:

Seriously, you should try the "Stage Door". We normally stay away from Brit owned establishments when we travel overseas, but this place is great. The owner and his son Jason, give a real warm welcome! Even our sons like it, and they are 30 & 31 years old, and not easy to please !! :w...

Yes we are regular visitors, :D and NO, the Cricketers is NOT the best pub in town :cry: The "Stage Door" on 192 west, is the best Brit pub in town :) :) Sad to say, we are not going to MOM, we are visiting The Villages, where we hope to buy a new house :) but if we have enough time after...

Saw "Jaws" last week and "Jaws 2" on Sunday, on TV here in the UK. Just off the coast of Cornwall, south west England, fishermen have taken photos of what scientists think is a great white! And yesterday a 500 pound Thresher shark was caught of the south coast. I think I will st...

A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-75, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in h...

MAKING A BABY... The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; The man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by ch...

Down south, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true theys suin them cigarette companies fer causin people to git cancer?" "Yes, Bubba, sure is true," responded the lawyer. "And now someone is suin them fast food restaurants fer makin them fat an cloggin their arter...