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A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sun...

Four guys went golfing; one went in the clubhouse to pay while the others waited at the first tee. One of the guys says, “I'm so proud of my son. He is a stock broker and he's made enought that he just gave away a huge portfolio.” The next guy said, “I'm so proud of my son. He's a car dealer and he'...

Are you harboring a fugitive- Hu Yu Hai Ding See me A.S.A.P. - Kum Hia Nao Small Horse - Tai Ni Po Ni Your price is too high - No Bai d*m Thing Did you go to the beach - Wai Yu So Tan I bumped into a coffee table - Ai Bang Mai Ni I think you need a facelift - Chin Tu Fat It's very dark in here - Wai...

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: ''Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come to...

There was a Irishman, Mexican, and a blond guy, who were construction workers and they were working on top of a building. It was lunch time and the Irsh man opens his lunch pail and he gets cabbage and beef and he says, "If I get one more beef and cabage for lunch I'm gonna jump off of this building...

1. The only place in North America to get bombed in the war...by a moron who set a munitions ship on fire 2. Your province is shaped like male genitalia 3. Everyone is a fiddle player 4. If someone asks if you're a Newfie, you are allowed to kick their ass 5. The local hero is an insane, fiddle play...

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''W...

One day at the rest home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says, "I can guess your age." The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try. "Pull down your pants," she says. He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes a...

SweetMelissa wrote:says the Canadian

Touché!!!

LIPH wrote:

SharkOnLand wrote:

tdparrothead wrote:Mine was almost dead on.

You drew a dead pig? Like bacon? or Pork chops?

Canadian bacon, eh

LIPH wrote:

SharkOnLand wrote:

tdparrothead wrote:Mine was almost dead on.

You drew a dead pig? Like bacon? or Pork chops?

Canadian bacon, eh

Jon Seda- 63% Ganhdi- 60% Mark Ruffalo- 59% Brendan Fraser- 55% (I've actually been told I look like him) Eddie Murphy- 53% (WTF?) Celine Dion- 52% (WTF? I hate her!!!) Leon Trotsky- 51% Ralf Schumacher- 50% Angelina Jolie- 49% Steven Seagal- 49% I'm not sure why girls are on the list seeing as a ha...

I got no matches for the first one I tried.

Mine was almost dead on.

balcony girls wrote:

dawgfan wrote:Wife and I are addicted...Best show on TV

. . wDs . .minus the wife part . .! !



I actually got hooked last year . . thought it was great . . ! !

As did I. I thought the previews for it looked good and I've enjoyed it ever since.

I wish that he demanded to play Molson Amphitheatre every year.

thegoatgod wrote:is this for me picking on you in the OH today

Now we're even!!!

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a San Francisco State University graduate from an upper-crust family; well-bred, well-connected and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Texas A & M. Go figure. The rules of the contest re...