The polite society

[ph4ever]

Posted to Craig's List Personals:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43AM EST

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.

I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh?

It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation.

I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet.

I threw the wallet in a fancy pink. "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really p*** and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number).

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.

- Alex

P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!

[green1]

And for anyone going to Savannah, Vinnie Van Go Go's has some of the best pizza I have ever eaten.

[ragtopW]

OH SPEW!!!!

[springparrot]

[rich_big]

that is great.

[Wino you know]

YA KNOW,
Every so often God just hands you one and says "Here-take this and enjoy."

Thanks, Connie. That was great.

[flipflopgirl]

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[big john]

HA! That reminds me of the time some guy pulled a knife on my Dad as he and Mom were walking down
the boardwalk in Ocean City, MD many years ago. Dad at the time was probably in his late forties or
early fifties and was pushing about 320. He had done some boxing in the navy and knocked the punk
off the boardwalk and into the sand with one shot. Of course the police ran up and grabbed my dad
to arrest him for assualt, but a crowd of onlookers interceded and pointed out the assailant unconcious
on the beach below the boardwalk. I didn't get to hear the story until we were swimming together and
I asked Dad where he got the long scratch across his belly that was healing.
"Oh that, some a**hole's knife." he replied.

[STL PARROTHEAD]

YA KNOW,
Every so often God just hands you one and says "Here-take this and enjoy."

That's exactly what I was thinking!
that was great!

[surfpirate]

"Careful Mick. He's got a knife!"
"That's not a knife. Now THAT'S a knife."

[Frank4]

absolutely fabulous....

[RinglingRingling]

as cool as the story is, and while I might buy it to the point of : sorry I had to relieve you of the cell, wallet, etc., going to call shenanigans on the stuff after that.

[PerfectPartner]

"Careful Mick. He's got a knife!"
"That's not a knife. Now THAT'S a knife."

One of my favorite movie scenes!!!!

Funny story ph4!!

[blackjack]

[ragtopW]

as cool as the story is, and while I might buy it to the point of : sorry I had to relieve you of the cell, wallet, etc., going to call shenanigans on the stuff after that.

remind me to tell you a VERY funny story in Cincy..

[Elrod]

The girlfriend has good taste in firearms.

[Salukulady]

as cool as the story is, and while I might buy it to the point of : sorry I had to relieve you of the cell, wallet, etc., going to call shenanigans on the stuff after that.

Gotta agree with R2....

[Bicycle Bill]

From the Internet Movie Database:
"The infamous scene in which Indy shoots a marauding and flamboyant swordsman was not in the original script. Harrison Ford was supposed to use his whip to get the swords out of his attacker's hands, but the food poisoning he and the rest of the crew had gotten made him too sick to perform the stunt. After several unsuccessful tries, someone made the off-handed remark, 'Why doesn't he just shoot him and get it done and over with?' Steven Spielberg immediately took up the idea and the scene was successfully filmed."

-"BB"-