Posted: May 15, 2002 9:37 am
For all the guys out there.
Guys Rules
These are our rules. Please note... these are all numbered 1 on PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1.Birthdays,Valentines,and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as naval lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutly nothing you wear is fine , really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calender. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own 3 pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look good with your dress.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost everything.
1. Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your own oil, please!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you want to dress like the Victorias Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible say what you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions , and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Guys Rules
These are our rules. Please note... these are all numbered 1 on PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
1.Birthdays,Valentines,and anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as naval lint, the shotgun formation, and NASCAR.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport, and no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutly nothing you wear is fine , really.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calender. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own 3 pairs of shoes, tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of 30, would look good with your dress.
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost everything.
1. Come to us with a problem if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Check your own oil, please!
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
1. If you want to dress like the Victorias Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant it the other way.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible say what you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions , and neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach for example is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
