Posted: May 15, 2002 5:13 pm
> Don't take that bad day out on someone you know,
> take it out on someone you
> DON'T know.
> Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I
> remembered a phone call I had
> to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
> answered saying, "Hello?"
>
> I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I
> please speak to Robin
> Carter?"
>
> Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I
> couldn't believe that anyone
> could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct
> number and called her.
> She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
>
> After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong
> number still lying there on
> my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same
> person once more
> answered, I yelled "You're an a**hole!" and hung up.
>
>
> Next to his phone number I wrote the word "a**hole,"
> and put it in my desk
> drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying
> bills, or had a really bad
> day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell,
> "You're an a**hole!"
>
> It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the
> Phone Company introduced
> caller ID. This was a real setback for me; I would
> have to stop calling the
> a**hole.
>
> Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number and
> when I heard his voice,
> "Hello?" I made up a name. "Hi. I'm with the
> Telephone Company and I'm just
> calling to see if you'd be interested in our caller
> ID program?"
>
> "No!" he shouted and slammed the phone down.
>
> I quickly called him back and said, "That's because
> you're an a**hole!"
>
> (Keep reading this, it gets better!)
>
> An old lady at the shopping center really took her
> time pulling out of a
> parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to
> leave. Finally, her car
> began to move and she started to very slowly back
> out of the slot. I backed
> up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull
> out. "Great", I thought,
> "she's finally leaving."
>
> All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the
> parking aisle in the
> wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the
> horn and started
> yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!"
>
> The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring
> me. He walked toward the
> shopping center as if I didn't even exist. I thought
> to myself, "This guy's
> another a**hole; there sure are a lot of a**holes in
> this world."
>
> Then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back
> window of his car. I
> wrote down
> the phone number. Then, I hunted for another place
> to park.
>
> A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I
> had just gotten off the
> phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an
> a**hole!" (It's really
> easy since I have his number on speed dial now.)
>
> I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black
> BMW there on my desk
> and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a
> couple rings, someone
> answered the phone and said, "Hello."
>
> I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
> sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can
> you tell me where I can see it?"
>
> "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow
> house and the car's
> parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?"
> "My name is Don
> Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
> "I'm home in the evenings."
> "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Sure..."
> "Don, you're an a**hole!"
> And I slammed the phone down.
>
> Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed
> dialer. I must say, for a
> while things seemed to be going much better for me.
> Now, when I had a
> problem I had two a**holes to call.
>
> Then, after several months of calling the a**holes
> and hanging up on them,
> it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave
> the problem some
> serious thought and came up with this solution:
>
> First, I had my phone speed dial a**hole #1. A man
> answered nicely, "Hello?"
> I yelled, "You're an a**hole!" but I didn't hang up.
> The a**hole said, "Are
> you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop
> calling me." I said, "Make
> me a**hole." He said, "What's your name, pal?" So I
> told him, "Don Hansen."
> He said, "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th
> Street. It's a yellow house
> and my black BMW's parked out front."
>
> "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start
> saying your prayers."
>
> "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole!" and I hung
> up.
>
> Then I called a**hole #2.
>
> Don Hansen answered, "Hello?"
>
> I said, "Hello, a**hole."
>
> He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>
> "You'll what?"
>
> "I'll kick your ass."
>
> "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
> now, a**hole." And I hung
> up.
>
> Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I
> told them I was on my
> way to 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to
> kill my gay lover as
> soon as I got there. Another quick call to Channel
> 13 about the gang war
> going on down on West 34th Street.
>
> After that I climbed into my car and headed over to
> 34th Street to watch the
> whole thing. Glorious satisfaction! Watching two
> a**holes kicking the crap
> out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police
> helicopter and a news
> crew was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
>
>
> Now you know what to do if you have a really bad
> day.
> take it out on someone you
> DON'T know.
> Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I
> remembered a phone call I had
> to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man
> answered saying, "Hello?"
>
> I politely said, "This is Fred Hanifin and could I
> please speak to Robin
> Carter?"
>
> Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I
> couldn't believe that anyone
> could be that rude. I tracked down Robin's correct
> number and called her.
> She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly.
>
> After I hung up with Robin, I spotted the wrong
> number still lying there on
> my desk. I decided to call it again. When the same
> person once more
> answered, I yelled "You're an a**hole!" and hung up.
>
>
> Next to his phone number I wrote the word "a**hole,"
> and put it in my desk
> drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying
> bills, or had a really bad
> day, I'd call him up. He'd answer, and I'd yell,
> "You're an a**hole!"
>
> It would always cheer me up. Later in the year the
> Phone Company introduced
> caller ID. This was a real setback for me; I would
> have to stop calling the
> a**hole.
>
> Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number and
> when I heard his voice,
> "Hello?" I made up a name. "Hi. I'm with the
> Telephone Company and I'm just
> calling to see if you'd be interested in our caller
> ID program?"
>
> "No!" he shouted and slammed the phone down.
>
> I quickly called him back and said, "That's because
> you're an a**hole!"
>
> (Keep reading this, it gets better!)
>
> An old lady at the shopping center really took her
> time pulling out of a
> parking space. I didn't think she was ever going to
> leave. Finally, her car
> began to move and she started to very slowly back
> out of the slot. I backed
> up a little more to give her plenty of room to pull
> out. "Great", I thought,
> "she's finally leaving."
>
> All of a sudden this black BMW comes flying up the
> parking aisle in the
> wrong direction and pulls into her space. I hit the
> horn and started
> yelling, "You can't do that. I was here first!"
>
> The guy climbed out of his BMW completely ignoring
> me. He walked toward the
> shopping center as if I didn't even exist. I thought
> to myself, "This guy's
> another a**hole; there sure are a lot of a**holes in
> this world."
>
> Then, I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back
> window of his car. I
> wrote down
> the phone number. Then, I hunted for another place
> to park.
>
> A couple of days later, I'm sitting at my desk. I
> had just gotten off the
> phone after calling 823-4863 and yelling, "You're an
> a**hole!" (It's really
> easy since I have his number on speed dial now.)
>
> I noticed the phone number of the guy with the black
> BMW there on my desk
> and thought I'd better call this guy, too. After a
> couple rings, someone
> answered the phone and said, "Hello."
>
> I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for
> sale?" "Yes, it is." "Can
> you tell me where I can see it?"
>
> "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. It's a yellow
> house and the car's
> parked right out front." I said, "What's your name?"
> "My name is Don
> Hansen." "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
> "I'm home in the evenings."
> "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" "Sure..."
> "Don, you're an a**hole!"
> And I slammed the phone down.
>
> Then, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed
> dialer. I must say, for a
> while things seemed to be going much better for me.
> Now, when I had a
> problem I had two a**holes to call.
>
> Then, after several months of calling the a**holes
> and hanging up on them,
> it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be. I gave
> the problem some
> serious thought and came up with this solution:
>
> First, I had my phone speed dial a**hole #1. A man
> answered nicely, "Hello?"
> I yelled, "You're an a**hole!" but I didn't hang up.
> The a**hole said, "Are
> you still there?" I said, "Yeah." He said, "Stop
> calling me." I said, "Make
> me a**hole." He said, "What's your name, pal?" So I
> told him, "Don Hansen."
> He said, "Where do you live?" "1802 West 34th
> Street. It's a yellow house
> and my black BMW's parked out front."
>
> "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start
> saying your prayers."
>
> "Yeah, like I'm really scared, a**hole!" and I hung
> up.
>
> Then I called a**hole #2.
>
> Don Hansen answered, "Hello?"
>
> I said, "Hello, a**hole."
>
> He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>
> "You'll what?"
>
> "I'll kick your ass."
>
> "Well, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
> now, a**hole." And I hung
> up.
>
> Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I
> told them I was on my
> way to 1802 West 34th Street and that I was going to
> kill my gay lover as
> soon as I got there. Another quick call to Channel
> 13 about the gang war
> going on down on West 34th Street.
>
> After that I climbed into my car and headed over to
> 34th Street to watch the
> whole thing. Glorious satisfaction! Watching two
> a**holes kicking the crap
> out of each other in front of 6 squad cars, a police
> helicopter and a news
> crew was one of the greatest experiences of my life!
>
>
> Now you know what to do if you have a really bad
> day.
