Liquor warning labels
Posted: September 3, 2002 12:04 pm
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may leave you thinking that you
are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible or worse bulletproof.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may Mack you tink you can tipe
real gode
manufacturers have accepted the FDA’s suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol
containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra.
WARNING:The consumption of alcohol may leave you thinking that you
are
whispering when you are not.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your
friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
morning.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically
converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical
Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable
rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
invisible or worse bulletproof.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: the consumption of alcohol may Mack you tink you can tipe
real gode
)
