...Health Canada has issued a health warning regarding a newly
discovered disease which is rapidly spreading throughout the
world. The disease is B.A.R.S. (Beer & Alcohol Requirement Syndrome)
and effects people of many different ages.
Believed to have started in Ireland in 1500 BC, the disease seems
to effect people who congregate in Pubs and Taverns. It is not
yet known how the disease is transmitted but approximately three
billion people world-wide have been affected, with new cases being
discovered every day.
Early symptoms of the disease include an uncontrollable urge at
5:00 PM to consume a beer or alcoholic beverage. This urge is
most keenly felt on Fridays. More advanced symptoms of the disease
include singing loudly off-key, heightened sexual attraction (even
towards hideous targets), and loud laughter. Sometimes in this
stage, deaths have occurred, usually accompanied by the victim
shouting, "Hey Zeke, watch this!"
In the final stages of the disease, victims are often
cross-eyed, and spout sayings like, "Goony Goo Goo", or "I gaga
go home". Vomiting is a frequent symptom at this stage. If you
develop any of these symptoms, it is important that you quarantine
yourself in a bar until last call. Your diligence in containing
the B.A.R.S. outbreak is greatly appreciated.
There......you have been warned!!!!
Very creative! 
