Top Ten Signs ...

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Top Ten Signs Your Spouse Was Once a p*** Star

10. She keeps asking the appliance man, the pool boy, the
mailman, and the carpet cleaner guy to 'check out her pipes,
stick in the pole, deliver the goods and vacuum her rug'.

9. When asked about your sex life, she replies 'Well, he's
no John Holmes, trust me.'

8. When you ask about her past she just says 'let's just say
I had a lot of sex for money, and it was frequently videotaped,
mass produced, and sold throughout the US.'

7. Always saying Charlie Sheen this, Charlie Sheen that ...

6. She keeps asking, 'When's the pizza guy gonna get here?'

5. Speaks clearly during oral sex.

4. You're beginning to think she really didn't make that calendar herself.

3. She has a middle name in quotations.

2. You notice new 'security' cameras in your room on your wedding night.

And The Number 1 Sign Your Spouse Was Once a p*** Star:

1. Refers to anything other than sex as 'boring plot crap'.

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