Politically Correct Barbies
Posted: July 14, 2003 2:35 am
Politically Correct Barbies Since you all know that Barbie has been my role model for many years, I thought you might be relieved to hear that ( at long last) I now have the weighty authority of the Net firmly behind my belief that you can be a Barbie Bimbo and a PC '90's career woman at the same time.......
1. "Neurosis-Berkeley Barbie!
Comes with her own Ultimate Frisbee, can of real spray paint (for any ad that portrays a woman who weighs under 140lbs), and CD-Rom of modern militant fem literature.
Pull her cord and she'll say things like: "Every woman has been raped by the eyes of men!!
"Flesh-eating chauvenist pig!", and "All frat boys are rapists and child molesters!" (not that far from the truth, actually?)
2. Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable sandals. Made from recycled materials.
3. Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
4. Bite-The-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood, and the ability to perform surgery on herself in the Outback.
5. Blue Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
6. Our Barbies Ourselves: Anatomically correct Barbie, both inside and out, comes with spreadable legs, her own speculum, magnifying glass, and detailed diagrams of female anatomy so that little girls can learn about their bodies in a friendly, non-threatening way. Also included: tiny Kotex, booklets on sexual responsibility. Accessories such as contraceptives, sex toys, expanding uterus with fetus at various stages of development, and breast pump are all optional, underscoring that each young woman has the right to chose what she does with her own Barbie.
7.Rebbe Barbie: So why not? Women rabbis are on the cutting edge in Judaism. Rebbe Barbie comes with tiny satin yarmulke, prayer shawl, teffilin, silver kaddish cup, Torah scrolls. Optional: tiny mezzuzah for doorway of Barbie Townhouse.
8.Homegirl Barbie: Truly fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories, and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and she says things like, "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my face," and "You go, girl." Teaches girls not to take s*** from men and condescending White people.
9.Transgender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
10.Robotic Barbie: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous two-legged walking machine! After falling over, she says "Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"
11.Dinner Roll Barbie: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly, generous €SPUD-edited
1. "Neurosis-Berkeley Barbie!
Comes with her own Ultimate Frisbee, can of real spray paint (for any ad that portrays a woman who weighs under 140lbs), and CD-Rom of modern militant fem literature.
Pull her cord and she'll say things like: "Every woman has been raped by the eyes of men!!
"Flesh-eating chauvenist pig!", and "All frat boys are rapists and child molesters!" (not that far from the truth, actually?)
2. Birkenstock Barbie: Finally, a Barbie doll with horizontal feet and comfortable sandals. Made from recycled materials.
3. Bisexual Barbie: Comes in a package with Skipper and Ken.
4. Bite-The-Bullet Barbie: An anthropologist Barbie with pith helmet, camera, detachable limbs, fake blood, and the ability to perform surgery on herself in the Outback.
5. Blue Collar Barbie: Comes with overalls, protective goggles, lunch pail, UAW membership, pamphlet on union-organizing and pay scales for women as compared to men. Waitressing outfits and cashier's aprons may be purchased separately for Barbies who are holding down second jobs in order to make ends meet.
6. Our Barbies Ourselves: Anatomically correct Barbie, both inside and out, comes with spreadable legs, her own speculum, magnifying glass, and detailed diagrams of female anatomy so that little girls can learn about their bodies in a friendly, non-threatening way. Also included: tiny Kotex, booklets on sexual responsibility. Accessories such as contraceptives, sex toys, expanding uterus with fetus at various stages of development, and breast pump are all optional, underscoring that each young woman has the right to chose what she does with her own Barbie.
7.Rebbe Barbie: So why not? Women rabbis are on the cutting edge in Judaism. Rebbe Barbie comes with tiny satin yarmulke, prayer shawl, teffilin, silver kaddish cup, Torah scrolls. Optional: tiny mezzuzah for doorway of Barbie Townhouse.
8.Homegirl Barbie: Truly fly Barbie in midriff-bearing shirt and baggy jeans. Comes with gold jewelry, hip-hop accessories, and plenty of attitude. Pull cord and she says things like, "I don't think so," "Dang, get outta my face," and "You go, girl." Teaches girls not to take s*** from men and condescending White people.
9.Transgender Barbie: Formerly known as G.I. Joe.
10.Robotic Barbie: Hey, kids, experiment with an autonomous two-legged walking machine! After falling over, she says "Control theory is hard. Damn these spike heels anyway!"
11.Dinner Roll Barbie: A Barbie with multiple love handles, double chin, a real curvy belly, generous €SPUD-edited