In tailgating, Buffett beats a grid buffet
Posted: August 21, 2003 11:08 am
This article was in the local paper today and I thought it makes for an interesting discussion, but ALL parrotheads know that Buffett tailgating beats them all!!!
In Tailgating, Buffett beats the grid buffet
Someone asked the question as Tuesday's Jimmy Buffett concert neared: What was the fascination with Buffett concerts? Why were there so many Parrot Heads?
Buffett has released but one new CD this century and he usually plays old crowd-favorites, so it wasn't like anyone was going to hear new stuff.
"So if it's not the music," he asked, "then what is it?" Without hesitation, a group of people said in unison, "The tailgate."
Unimpressed, the doubter replied, "It's not better than our football tailgate."
Everything stopped. People not even involved in the conversation turned their heads. This was blasphemy. Football tailgate better than Buffett tailgate?
An argument ensued. Insults were traded. Family members were insulted. This close to a full-scale brouhaha.
But this must be settled. We go to a tale of the tape to decide which is the better tailgate: football games or a Jimmy Buffett concert?
Clothing necessity
Football: Team jerseys.
Buffett: Hawaiian shirts.
Advantage, Buffett -- A jersey is a jersey and you can find hundreds of No. 3s in the parking lots outside Mountaineer Field. But Hawaiian shirts have infinite styles. If you can pull off a Hawaiian shirt, there is no better look. Ask Tom Selleck.
Food and drink of choice
Football: Hamburgers and anything in a can that will get someone under the age of 21 in trouble.
Buffett: Kabobs (shrimp, steak, chicken and vegetables) and anything that will get someone under the age of 21 in trouble.
Advantage, Buffett -- The kabob is very underrated. No need for utensils or plates because the bite-sized food is stuck on a skewer.
Prohibited
Football: Glass bottles.
Buffett: Dancing on the roof of an SUV.
Advantage, football -- Safety first. No one wants to leave the concert to take you to the hospital.
Thing that will get you beaten up
Football: Complimenting the opponent.
Buffett: Complementing the grass skirt your buddy's girlfriend is wearing.
Advantage, football -- Some people are just so irrational.
Scalper skill
Football: Asking for tickets when, in reality, they are selling them because it's illegal to actively sell tickets.
Buffett: Able to open a bottle of beer with his eye socket.
Advantage, football -- OK, scalping is against the law, but the eye socket thing should be.
Desired destination
Football: Paydirt.
Buffett: Margaritaville.
Advantage, Buffett -- Where, exactly, is paydirt?
Emblematic of the atmosphere
Football: Middle-aged man with his face painted, screaming at the top of his lungs about how easily his team will win.
Buffett: Security officers have water guns in their holsters.
Push -- No need for the face paint and hollering, but what if a concert goer loses his (parrot) head and needs to be restrained?
How to kill time
Football: Throwing a football.
Buffett: Looking for that lost shaker of salt ... salt ... salt ... salt.
Advantage, Buffett -- Tossing a football is fun, but the satisfaction pales in comparison to the moment you do find that salt shaker.
So there you have it. A close call, but the Buffett tailgate wins by a 4-3 vote and the numbers do not lie.
MICHAELCASAZZA covers college basketball for The Dominion Post. Reach him at mike.casazza@dominionpost.com
In Tailgating, Buffett beats the grid buffet
Someone asked the question as Tuesday's Jimmy Buffett concert neared: What was the fascination with Buffett concerts? Why were there so many Parrot Heads?
Buffett has released but one new CD this century and he usually plays old crowd-favorites, so it wasn't like anyone was going to hear new stuff.
"So if it's not the music," he asked, "then what is it?" Without hesitation, a group of people said in unison, "The tailgate."
Unimpressed, the doubter replied, "It's not better than our football tailgate."
Everything stopped. People not even involved in the conversation turned their heads. This was blasphemy. Football tailgate better than Buffett tailgate?
An argument ensued. Insults were traded. Family members were insulted. This close to a full-scale brouhaha.
But this must be settled. We go to a tale of the tape to decide which is the better tailgate: football games or a Jimmy Buffett concert?
Clothing necessity
Football: Team jerseys.
Buffett: Hawaiian shirts.
Advantage, Buffett -- A jersey is a jersey and you can find hundreds of No. 3s in the parking lots outside Mountaineer Field. But Hawaiian shirts have infinite styles. If you can pull off a Hawaiian shirt, there is no better look. Ask Tom Selleck.
Food and drink of choice
Football: Hamburgers and anything in a can that will get someone under the age of 21 in trouble.
Buffett: Kabobs (shrimp, steak, chicken and vegetables) and anything that will get someone under the age of 21 in trouble.
Advantage, Buffett -- The kabob is very underrated. No need for utensils or plates because the bite-sized food is stuck on a skewer.
Prohibited
Football: Glass bottles.
Buffett: Dancing on the roof of an SUV.
Advantage, football -- Safety first. No one wants to leave the concert to take you to the hospital.
Thing that will get you beaten up
Football: Complimenting the opponent.
Buffett: Complementing the grass skirt your buddy's girlfriend is wearing.
Advantage, football -- Some people are just so irrational.
Scalper skill
Football: Asking for tickets when, in reality, they are selling them because it's illegal to actively sell tickets.
Buffett: Able to open a bottle of beer with his eye socket.
Advantage, football -- OK, scalping is against the law, but the eye socket thing should be.
Desired destination
Football: Paydirt.
Buffett: Margaritaville.
Advantage, Buffett -- Where, exactly, is paydirt?
Emblematic of the atmosphere
Football: Middle-aged man with his face painted, screaming at the top of his lungs about how easily his team will win.
Buffett: Security officers have water guns in their holsters.
Push -- No need for the face paint and hollering, but what if a concert goer loses his (parrot) head and needs to be restrained?
How to kill time
Football: Throwing a football.
Buffett: Looking for that lost shaker of salt ... salt ... salt ... salt.
Advantage, Buffett -- Tossing a football is fun, but the satisfaction pales in comparison to the moment you do find that salt shaker.
So there you have it. A close call, but the Buffett tailgate wins by a 4-3 vote and the numbers do not lie.
MICHAELCASAZZA covers college basketball for The Dominion Post. Reach him at mike.casazza@dominionpost.com
). Isn't there some novelty in the Buffett tailgate? It's like an annual pilgrimage or something, not the once-weekly-take-it-for-granted-football-tailgate. Oh well, I'm biased. Bring on the kabobs and margaritas!
