Older vs. Younger

[FinsUp328]

When I was younger, birthday presents carried the implicit message
"Let's go out and have fun!" Now that I'm older, they carry the
message "Let's remove the hair from Dad's nose!"

When I was younger, I used to spend a lot of time searching for the
meaning of life. Now that I'm older, I spend a lot of time searching for
where I parked the car.

When I was younger, I saw the movie Jaws and for years after was
nervous at the beach, always afraid I'd be wading in the water and
hear someone call out "Shark!" Now that I'm older and the waistband
on my bathing trunks is considerably larger, I'm more concerned I'll
hear someone shout "Whale, ho!"

When I was younger, I thought a job was like an elevator: You got
on at the ground floor and rode it all the way to the top of your career.
Now that I'm older, I see a job as more like a rope swing: You're far
more likely to remember it as a pleasant experience if you concentrate
on picking the right time to let go.

When I was younger, I used to fuss when even a single hair was out
of place. Now that I'm older, I'm happy when they are anywhere on my
head.

When I was younger, I was a very fussy eater-I didn't like much of
anything. Now that I'm older, I have much broader tastes-I'll eat just
about anything, but my doctor won't let me.

When I was younger, I used to invent all sorts of excuses for not
getting regular exercise. I didn't have the time, I couldn't find the
right health club, I lacked the right clothes or equipment. I was
always going to start a work-out program just as soon as I got
organized, or when I'd finished some project, or with the start of the
new year. Now that I am older, I see those excuses as foolish and
ridiculous. There's no reason why a man like me couldn't spend an
hour a day or so working out, staying in shape. I just wish I had
started exercising back then, because it is obviously too late now.

When I was younger, I was at the center of my children's universe.
They looked to me for guidance and direction, and obeyed me when it
came to life's important decisions. Now that I am older, my teenagers
keep trying to alter this very sensible system.

When I was younger, I wasted a considerable amount of my brain
power thinking about girls. I thought about them when I really should
have been concentrating on something else, like when I was taking
my SATs or one time when my car hit some black ice on the highway
and began to spin out of control. Now that I'm older, however…well, I
guess some things never change.

When I was younger, our music was powerful and alive. My parents
didn't understand it, and thought it was junk, but it spoke to me and
my generation. Now that I'm older, I can see that my generation's
music has withstood the test of time. (Though I don't understand the
junk my kids listen to.)

When I was younger, I always wanted to be older so that I could
play basketball and football and baseball better. Now that I am older,
I wish I were younger so that I could play basketball and football and
baseball at all.

When I was younger, I was impatient and easily bored. I seemed often
to lack for something to do. Now that I'm older, I can always go to the
bathroom.

When I was younger, there was always a baby, or an ill child, or a
crisis at work, or some other intrusion into my sleep, and I was tired
all the time. Now I sleep as much as I physically can, and I am tired
all the time.

When I was younger and just starting out, people used to tell me
I was going to accomplish much, that I was quick and bright and
energetic and ambitious and I was going to do very well in life. I
haven't heard very much on this subject lately.

When I was younger…I didn't use the phrase "when I was younger"
very often. Now that I'm older, well, it seems to be creeping into
almost daily usage.