Public Service Announcement......Rules For a Safe and Happy

[FinsUp328]

I'm sure that you've seen these rules before and really, they're just
common sense. But since we're coming up to that time of the year,
I think it's wise to review them. Something about this time of year
can play havoc with otherwise sensible people.

~ When it appears that you have killed the monster, NEVER check
to see if it's really dead.

~ NEVER read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

~ Do NOT search the basement, especially if the power has gone out.

~ If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which
they should not know, SHOOT THEM IMMEDIATELY! It will save
you a lot of grief in the long run. However, it will probably take
several rounds to kill them, so be prepared. This also applies to
kids who speak with somebody else's voice.

~ When you have the benefit of numbers, NEVER pair off and go it
alone.

~ As a general rule, DON'T solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

~ NEVER stand in, on, or above a grave, tomb, or crypt. This would
apply to any other house of the dead as well.

~ If you're searching for something which caused a loud noise and
find out that it's just the cat, GET THE HELL OUT!

~ If appliances start operating by themselves, do not check for short
circuits; just GET OUT!

~ Do not take ANYTHING from the dead.

~ If you find a town which looks deserted, there's probably a good
reason for it. DON'T stop and look around!

~ DON'T fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure
you know what you're doing. And even if you're sure you know what
you're doing, just DON'T FOOL WITH IT!

~ If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least
twice. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the
monster is merely shambling along, it's STILL moving fast enough to
catch up with you.

~ If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic
behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes,
increasing hairiness, and so on, KILL THEM IMMEDIATELY!

~ STAY AWAY from certain geographical locations, some of which
are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog (you're
in trouble if you recognize this one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any
small town in Maine.

~ If your car runs out of gas at night on a lonely road, do NOT go to
the nearby deserted looking house to phone for help. If you think
that it's strange because you could have sworn you had half a tank,
SHOOT YOURSELF instead. You are going to die anyway, and
most likely be eaten.

~ If you find that your house is built upon a cemetery, NOW is the
time to move in with the in-laws. This applies to houses that had
previous inhabitants who went mad or died in some horrible fashion,
or had inhabitants who performed satanic practices in your house.

[phjrsaunt]

Just good, basic common sense!