Sex and Shopping
Posted: June 4, 2004 9:24 pm
I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men &
women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars
thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head
and women with their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene
gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the
words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want
you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet
dreads to hear: "You're just not in touch with my
emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy
your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you
just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night
I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the
day off of work to spend time with her we went out to
a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed dept store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'd ust buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so
I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you -- she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she
asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know
how to play tennis I think I threw her for a loop when
I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of
the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she
finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to
the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No
honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped
with a baffled WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with
my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to
kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who
I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
women differ so much.
And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars
thing.
I have never figured out why men think with their head
and women with their heart.
I have never figured out why the sexual desire gene
gets thrown into a state of turmoil when it hears the
words "I do."
FOR EXAMPLE:
One evening last week, my wife and I were getting into
bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she
eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want
you to hold me."
I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every husband on the planet
dreads to hear: "You're just not in touch with my
emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy
your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you
just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night
I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the
day off of work to spend time with her we went out to
a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed dept store.
I walked around with her while she tried on several
different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide
which one to take so I told her we'd ust buy them all.
She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so
I said lets get a pair for each outfit.
We went on to the jewelry dept. where she picked out a
pair of diamond earrings.
Let me tell you -- she was so excited. She must have
thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck.
I started to think she was testing me because she
asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know
how to play tennis I think I threw her for a loop when
I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of
the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she
finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to
the cashier".
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No
honey, I don't feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped
with a baffled WHAT???!!!"
I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD
this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with
my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to
kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who
I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.
