Page 1 of 7
Religion for dummies
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:38 pm
by nycparrothead
zanth wrote:I believe we should start keeping better company. How about if Beerman, Frank, you and I start our own thread and discuss some more intellectually enlightening topics, religion perhaps?
Taking Zanth's advice, I think the good, innocent people of BN should have their own place to chat. Free from the pressures of the evil, bad people like Tiki Bar and other bad influences. Here we will be able to be the good natured innocent people that we truly are....
So boys. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and the monkeys!
What happened next?
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:40 pm
by tommcat327
THERE IS NO GOD
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:41 pm
by zanth
I believe as it said in Genesis 1:37
"and lo the monkey satith upon the grasses, and he did hath an urge, but a female monkey there was not, thus the monkey spanked thyself, and the Lord did frown"
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:41 pm
by nycparrothead
tommcat327 wrote:THERE IS NO GOD
This is what I'm talking about!!! The wholesome people of BN like myself, Zanth, Beerman and Rednekk don't need to have negative influences like you around! We'll all say a prayer for you Tom!
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:42 pm
by rednekkPH
If god is all powerful, can he make an altar boy so ugly even a priest won't molest him?
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:43 pm
by zanth
nycparrothead wrote:tommcat327 wrote:THERE IS NO GOD
This is what I'm talking about!!! The wholesome people of BN like myself, Zanth, Beerman and Rednekk don't need to have negative influences like you around! We'll all say a prayer for you Tom!
Well said, Brother Monkey, may the light of the Lord shine into Tom's life, can I get an amen?
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:44 pm
by nycparrothead
zanth wrote:I believe as it said in Genesis 1:37
"and lo the monkey satith upon the grasses, and he did hath an urge, but a female monkey there was not, thus the monkey spanked thyself, and the Lord did frown"
Genesis 1:69 "Though the monkey hath disgraced thyself in the eyes of the Lord, the Lord hath mercy upon thy simeon and graced him with reproductive organs larger than the highest tower."
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:45 pm
by tommcat327
nycparrothead wrote:tommcat327 wrote:THERE IS NO GOD
This is what I'm talking about!!! The wholesome people of BN like myself, Zanth, Beerman and Rednekk don't need to have negative influences like you around! We'll all say a prayer for you Tom!
IT WONT HELP,NO ONE IS LISTENING
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:46 pm
by nycparrothead
tommcat327 wrote:nycparrothead wrote:tommcat327 wrote:THERE IS NO GOD
This is what I'm talking about!!! The wholesome people of BN like myself, Zanth, Beerman and Rednekk don't need to have negative influences like you around! We'll all say a prayer for you Tom!
IT WONT HELP,NO ONE IS LISTENING
We love you Brother Thomas.
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:47 pm
by zanth
nycparrothead wrote:
Genesis 1:69 "Though the monkey hath disgraced thyself in the eyes of the Lord, the Lord hath mercy upon thy simeon and graced him with reproductive organs larger than the highest tower."
Genesis 1:666
"And the devil did see the member of the monkey, and was jealous. Thus the Dark One did curse the monkey that though he hath impressive organs, he doth not possess the ability to please female monkeys"
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:47 pm
by Coconuts
I wandered in here, and now my skin's starting to burn!!! Must leave quickly!!
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:48 pm
by nycparrothead
zanth wrote:nycparrothead wrote:
Genesis 1:69 "Though the monkey hath disgraced thyself in the eyes of the Lord, the Lord hath mercy upon thy simeon and graced him with reproductive organs larger than the highest tower."
Genesis 1:666
"And the devil did see the member of the monkey, and was jealous. Thus the Dark One did curse the monkey that though he hath impressive organs, he doth not possess the ability to please female monkeys"
Genesis 1:666 (subsection B)
"....however, the primate shall retain the ability to pleasure thyself 50 times per day without growing tired. And the monkey doth live happily for eternity."
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:53 pm
by zanth
nycparrothead wrote:
Genesis 1:666 (subsection B)
"....however, the primate shall retain the ability to pleasure thyself 50 times per day without growing tired. And the monkey doth live happily for eternity."
And thus the reason monkeys do not rule the earth, due to their fixation on auto-erotic acts
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:56 pm
by rednekkPH
What is the easiest way to impregnate a nun?
Dress her as an altar boy.
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:56 pm
by nycparrothead
Is it true that Moses had Goats?
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:58 pm
by zanth
nycparrothead wrote:Is it true that Moses had Goats?
Most likely, I mean wondering around the desert for 40 years and all, that's gotta mess a fella up...
Posted: August 5, 2004 2:58 pm
by nycparrothead
rednekkPH wrote:What is the easiest way to impregnate a nun?
Dress her as an altar boy.
Brother Frank, I respect your passion to spread fruitfulness and express new ideas for spreading the wealth of the human race throughout the planet. You are truly one of God's most special children.
Posted: August 5, 2004 3:00 pm
by tommcat327
IN MY OPINION JESUS WAS JUST A CULT LEADER
Posted: August 5, 2004 3:00 pm
by nycparrothead
tommcat327 wrote:IN MY OPINION JESUS WAS JUST A CULT LEADER
Maybe, but he always had the best weed!
Posted: August 5, 2004 3:02 pm
by desert parrot
Same God....Different Churches...
And it won't matter in the end as no matter what faith,church, book or bible you hold as your own we will all be judged by the goodness of our hearts and our actions along the way...