Why Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer:
In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand-a-grandmotherly, elderly woman.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The Lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women, one of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you b@stards asks that b*tch if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry @sses in jail for contempt!!!
Suprised Lawyer
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2 lawyers a walking through the woods when the see a bear start to chase them.. they start running away but the bear keeps getting closer.. finally one stops, opens his briefcase and takes out his sneakers... as he starts to put them on the other lawyer says.." you'll never outrun that bear"... the lawyer putting on the sneakers says.." I don't have to outrun the bear... i just have to outrun you"
